Saturday, September 30, 2006


My brothers were cute too (but I only have one picture to prove it)

kevin and mike (we all loved the bowl cut)

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

#20 - Hugs Everyone

Soooooo......this is it! The list is finally coming to an end. And what a great quality to end on!

I think the world needs more hugging. I actually really love hugging people (despite what all you think of me!). I'm just super extra careful not to overstep anyone's bounds though. And yeah, okay, I'm just not naturally a touchy person. What can I say??!? My family was never very affectionate.

"So Dan, if you think people should hug more, why wouldn't you want to be with someone who hugs everyone??!" Well, I would say the main reason is because I've been burned by girls in high school who were very huggy. They didn't know me, I just met them, they were very huggy, and then when they got to know me they didn't want to talk to me anymore. That sucked...

So I've come to take my hugging very seriously. Hugging means a lot to me. I won't hug you unless I really care about you. I will hug people I've just met, but only if I have a good idea of who they are. Therefore, I don't really want to be with someone who gives their hugs away so freely. Why do you have to hug everyone??? Why invade my personal space so suddenly??? I'm sure most huggers aren't "cheap" with their hugs, but that's the impression I get. I probably should get over that, but I don't want if you like to hug everyone, keep your hugs away from me!

(this quality was inspired by those huggy high school jerks, as well as Shera and Melissa)

Monday, September 25, 2006

I Used To Be Cute

This post is for certain individuals out there who don't believe this amazing stud pictured above was at one time the cutest kid on the planet. In grade 2 all the older girls wanted to dance with me all the time cause I was just that hot. And some random girl at the pool in Langley chased me around in grade 4 because I was so irresistable. Thanks to Jackie for uploading these works of art:

what a pose!

how can you resist that smile???

and what a body!!!

this is my mom, jackie, cousin jeanette, and the man himself

i still have that suit

thanks mom for buying my glasses for me...
and is that a hint of a moustache?!?

Going through my sister's pics I couldn't resist posting some of hers, I have to say she was super cute too!

How adorable!!! I've decided that I want cute kids too, so if you want to date me you have to have been cute when you were a kid like me and my sister.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

#19 - Drinks Wine

This post is partly inspired by Nancy, not because she drinks wine, but because she (like me) absolutely hates the wretched stuff!!! Gag me, it's like drinking urine (caution on that link!).

I just want to personally thank from the bottom of my heart Thomas Bramwell Welch for creating a substitute to communion wine and Stephen G. Martinelli for your protestant substitute at weddings.

But actually, it really has nothing to do with the taste of wine that bothers me about girls who drink wine. It has to do with the whole subculture of it. As we've already seen, some of the items on the List are there because they stand for something much deeper. A girl who listens to country music typically has that country way of living. A girl who is really into sci-fi tends to have a personality I'm not attracted to. So we come to wine drinkers (Sorry Janie, I smell another generalization coming on...).

I was trying to think of a way to describe a certain type of girl that I couldn't see myself with and I was reminded of an episode of Red Dwarf. Lister is upset because he believes the girl of his dreams has run off with some prude:

"Why do women always leave me for total smegheads? Why do they dump me for men who wear turtleneck sweaters and smoke a pipe? I mean, natural yoghurt eaters! Reliable, sensible, dependable, and lots of other words that end in "-ible." He's obsessed with house-prices, and spends half his life in antique fairs looking for bargains and drinking wine. It's never beer, is it, it's always wine! "What do you want on your cornflakes, darling?" "Oh, I'll have some wine, please!" Smeg!"

I am a messy guy. I couldn't handle someone who is high maintenance, I would lose it. I don't want to be with someone who appears to "have it altogether". I like that I don't always fret over my appearance or my shortcomings.

I'm also not much of a culinary expert. I don't really care how food is made, or what goes into it. I love burgers and pizza. I don't think I could be with someone who feels the need to go to fancy restaurants all the time and have elegant meals. Granted, time to time that's cool, and I'm willing to oblige in the name of romance, but it's certainly not my forte.

And I'm not even going to go into the social aspect of this type of lifestyle. I don't intend or desire to be affluent or to swing with people of such "significance". Wine drinkers are snobs who think they are better than everyone else!!!

So if you liked the movie Sideways I pity you...

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

#18 - Listens to Country Music

Click here if you wish to reacquaint yourself with "The List"

There is nothing wrong with girls who like country music. It is a personal taste in music that I just can't share. It doesn't make sense to me, I don't get why anyone would like it...but I know people feel the same way about me liking Star Trek and Red Dwarf. I would like to be with someone who shares the same musical tastes as me. It would be very frustrating for me to have to compromise and listen to country music. I don't think I could do it.

So to all you country music fans, continue to listen to your music. Some songs I can even tolerate (Dixie Chicks have some good tunes). This post is not very funny. In fact, it makes me sad to think about people who like country music, cause I really feel bad for them. I'm so sad because I know there's no way I can convince them the music isn't helping anyone. So they will continue to listen to this music...and I'll continue to be sad.

I'm going to listen to my emo music now...

(this quality was inspired by Jenn and Nancy)

Sunday, September 17, 2006

#17 - Sci-Fi Lover

Now this one has caused some confusion among the masses. "Why won't you date someone who loves Science Fiction, when you absolutely love it??" "Isn't there some double standard here?" "Don't you want someone who can watch Star Trek and Red Dwarf with you?"

On paper, that sounds like a great idea, but have you ever met a girl who likes science fiction? There is some sort of physics, scientific, space-time continuum, chain reaction, universal anamoly thingy that makes it impossible for normality and a passion for science fiction to exist in the female body. If you are a normal, well-adjusted, socially capable female, it is impossible for you to sit through 10 mins of Star Trek. If you can participate in the discussion of which series is better: TOS, TNG, DS9, or VOY, it is impossible for you to be a female who is attractive or fun to be with. The technical term for this phenomenon is scifigirlsaregeeksiosis.

Now that's

So yes, it would be great to have a girlfriend I can watch science fiction with! However, in our current reality such an event is unattainable. Such a female only exists in science fiction!!

(this quality was inspired by the movie "Trekkies")

Thursday, September 14, 2006

#16 - Bad Speller

Ie kennot tallurait badd sppeling!!! Wenever Ei red uther peepels paipurrs att skool annd their wur spelingg misteaks, igt wood dryve mee knuts...

Okay, that's enough torture for me and other people like me. So okay, I know, I screw up with my spelling too sometimes. I'm not perfect and I understand other people aren't perfect either, but some people cannot spell for the life of them! Like Jackie, I'm sorry my dear sister, but I don't know how many times I've told you, "You don't spell Saturday with an E!!!" Look at her blog now, I think she purposefully puts the word Saterday in all her posts just to annoy me. And there's also Dennis. I'm pretty sure he's fed-up with my grammar policing so he intentionally says definately on msn all the time. IT'S DEFINITELY!!!!!

When I first started at Camp Luther I came up with a spelling test for girls I was interested in. I'll give you two ways to spell a word, you give me the right answer. Let's see how well you score (no looking it up!).

1. Seperate - Separate

2. Suprise - Surprise

3. Desparate - Desperate

4. Unnecessary - Unneccesary

5. Arguement - Argument

6. Licence - License

7. Weird - Wierd

8. Worshiping - Worshipping

To be honest with you, I chose these words cause I can never remember how to spell them! Haha, I'm such a hypocrite!!!

(this quality was inspired by Jackie, Dennis, Beth, the Colonel, and everyone else who spells things wrong on purpose just to piss me off!)

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

#13, 14, & 15

I'll shoot these three down all at once, because they primarily come from my sister Jackie. Jaclyn is a great girl, but she used to annoyed me soooo much (and vice versa). Because we are so close, it is no wonder that she has had some influence on this list...

#13 - Friend of Jackie's (my sister)

No offense Jackie, but I have never liked any of your friends. They all seem like neat people, but not the type of people I could be friends with (except Ting and Nathan). So because I don't like your taste in friends, I would never want to date one of them (except of course...Ting and Nathan).

(this quality was inspired by Jackie and all her friends...except Ting and Nathan)

#14 - Likes the TV Show "Seventh Heaven"

I have no clue why anyone likes this show. The acting is horrible, the dialogue is horrible, the storylines are horrible. But for some reason, people like it. And the funny thing, most of the girls I know who watch this show know it's horrible. They will openly acknowledge that it is bad, but yet, they still like to watch it?!? Therefore, I cannot date anyone who likes this show, because they are a walking paradox waiting to self-implode.

(this quality was inspired by Jackie, Nancy, and Chanel)

#15 - Wears Chokers

Jackie denies that she ever wore chokers, but I have a searing image of her wearing one in my head. Why on earth would any female wear such a stupid accessory!?!? Not only does it CHOKE YOU, but it also looks incredibly retarded!!!! I refuse to even post a picture of one. Chokers disgust me more than females with Aussie accents...

(this quality was inspired by Jackie and Tanya)

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

The Right Reverend D. Henry Peters

Some people have been asking me when I am preaching next. The big date will be October 22, 2006. But you can only come on one condition. You must bring a bag of rocks and a bundle of flowers. This way, if you don't like the sermon you can either stone me, or if you loved it, you can throw flowers at me onstage. There will also be a number of people getting baptised that day, so it's going to be a super cool service (starts at 10:45am)!!!

Monday, September 11, 2006

#10, 11, & 12

Ok, let's just plow through these three cause they're not that exciting.

#10 - Horse Lover

Plain and simple, if you are big into horses you have a personality that I am not attracted to. I don't get the fascination with horses and I don't want to get to know you. Moving on...

#11 - Taller than Me

I'm not super tall, but if you're taller than me that's really tall!!! Too tall. Next...

#12 - Foot Odor

One of the few smells I cannot tolerate. Put your shoes back on...NOW!

(these qualities were inspired by Horse Lovers, Tall Girls, and People with Foot Odor)

#9 - Facial Hair (unless you have hypertrichosis)

This one doesn't need a huge explanation. Forgive me, but facial hair on a woman isn't that attractive. And yes, I know what you're all thinking, "But why would you like someone who had hypertrichosis?!?"

If you are uncertain as to what hypertrichosis is, it also goes by the names Wolfitis or Werewolf Syndrome. I don't remember who I had this conversation with, or why we were even talking about it, but I remember someone asking me, "Would you date someone with facial hair?" To which I immediately replied, "No!" But then I thought about it some more and added, "Well, maybe if it was all over her face." Haha! I don't know what possessed me to say such a thing. I think I was thinking, dogs and cats are cute, so if a girl had hair all over her face it would be cute too. But I'm not so convinced anymore. Although, I haven't met a girl with hypertrichosis yet, so I don't want to rule out any love connections prematurely. I don't understand why these women wouldn't trim their hair before getting their pictures taken though?!?

(this quality was inspired by someone I don't remember, but we were in a car driving somewhere...)

Sunday, September 10, 2006

#8 - Bruises Easily

If you're confused what these numbers and random posts are all about click here for clarity.

So before you think I'm an abusive guy, let me point out that #8 is actually a joke! When I went to Cali with Shane, Kyle, and Tyson, the topic of what we're looking for in a girl came up. And being the always serious guy that I am, my response was "I want a girl who doesn't bruise easily." What does that mean exactly? I don't have the foggiest notion! A lot of times things come to my mind and I have no idea what they are, but they sound good, so I say them...and then they are out of my mouth and open to interpretation.

But now that I think of it, it seems like a lot of girls bruise easily...what is up with that??!? Actually, it's probably just me. I never bruise cause I never leave the house. I actually once got two bruises on my pecs from doing chin-ups. That was random.

So anyways, if you bruise easily I'll still go out with you. In fact, maybe it's the next fashion trend!

(this quality was inspired by my Mom and Celia, cause they've always got bruises)

Saturday, September 09, 2006

#7 - Dad Who is in Construction or Some Other Trade

As some of you know, my Dad never really taught me a whole lot (and yes, my dad is Al Borland!). My brother taught me how to shave. At one of my jobs I was forced to learn how to use an electric drill. I had instructors teach me how to drive. So...I've got a few issues when it comes to Dads.

I used to be incredibly intimidated by anyone who was in construction or some other trade. I knew that I was totally out of my league, and I just felt like an idiot being in the same room...especially if they wanted me to help work on something. There was this girl I kinda liked a long time ago named Greta. Her dad was in construction and that was the first time I realized I didn't want a Father-in-Law in a trade, because I knew it would make me feel like a schmuck.

I can't honestly say this quality belongs on my list anymore, because I've developed enough skills on my own to not be as intimidated. I would actually love to have a Father-in-Law who knew how to fix things (how else would anything get fixed around my house??!). To go even further, I'd love to have a wife who was a carpenter. Now that would be gold! I really could use a custom-made desk and entertainment center.

(this quality was inspired by Greta and reconsidered by Amy Wynn Pastor)

Friday, September 08, 2006

#6 - Digimon Fan

I don't have one clue what Digimon is all about. I had to look it up on Wikipedia to get a better understanding. Started out similar to Tamagotchi (those virtual pets) and developed into a TV show and card game. Not to be confused with Pokemon. But who really cares??!

There is only one reason and one reason alone why I don't want to date a Digimon fan. That reason is: Tyson Kliem says so. And when Tyson tells you something is bad, you listen to Tyson, cause Tyson has something you don't have: Experience!

I'm not just talking he's been on a few dates. I'm not even saying he's been on lots of dates with lots of girls. Cause if that were the case, there's lots of guys with that type of experience. No, Tyson has a unique brand. Not only has he dated thousands of women. He has dated thousands of extremely messed up women the likes of which have never been seen!!!

Seriously, I don't know where this guy finds these girls (PRBI), or why he even bothers taking them out (he's an optimist). So when Tyson Kliem says, "Never date a Digimon fan!" I don't stop to ask questions, I don't even stop to ponder it in my head, I permanently chisel the name Digimon Fan on my blacklist, peddle harder than I've ever peddled in my life, and remember to never ever look back.

...and I suggest you do the same!