Sunday, December 16, 2007

I'm a little emotional...

Yesterday I was so absolutely stressed out! This Wednesday I leave for Australia to visit Jackie, Conor, and all the lovely folks down under. I made a list of things I need to get done before I leave. Well I was planning to use all of Saturday to clean my house (which it desperately needs!).

Until I slept in ridiculously late on Saturday (shouldn't have stayed up so late the night before, tsk tsk). So I crawl out of bed and watch tv for awhile (this is my ritual, the reason it takes me all day to clean is because i need ample time to procrastinate).

At about 6 o'clock it dawns on me...I haven't finished my Christmas shopping!!!

Now this might not bother you because after all, it is only Dec 15th...but for me...this is the equivalent of Christmas Eve because the next day I was celebrating with my family in Abbotsford. So I rush out of the house...I have an idea of what I need to get. So I get into Richmond, and of course, all the stores that have what I'm looking for are closed and the stores that are open do not have what I need. I walked away with 4 presents, but was missing a critical 3 more!

So unfortunately, I had to ditch out of church early to go shopping. I am such a heathen!!! I would have gone before church but the stores weren't open until 11. Thankfully I picked up 2 of the 3 presents, but sadly I have to get my mom her birthday present in January (SORRY MOM!!!!).

And then as I'm driving home completely bummed out, I realize I've forgotten to do stuff for church the next day, which meant I had to go to the church, which meant by the time I got home I was pooped and did zero cleaning...egads!

And then I woke up on Sunday with unbelievable happiness! I drove to church dancing to music. I laughed during the service. I danced and sang as I drove to Abbotsford. I had an incredibly fun time with my family opening presents, playing with the kids, and coming in 3rd at Ticket to Ride. Then I had a young adults night at the Funk's and also had a really fun time hanging out with the previous grads I've missed a lot!

And now I'm ripping music and burning cds for my sister, extremely excited about what awaits me over the next 3 weeks. It's funny how emotions can flip like that...

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Erm, I'm a little confused...

I went to A&W tonight for a quick bite to eat. I asked them if they had any 2 burger deals like they usually do. Instead that had a burger and fries deal, which upon closer inspection wasn't a deal, it was the same price as buying them individually. Seeing as how I don't really like fries that much I just asked for one burger.

And then it got a little weird...She wasn't punching anything in but she was looking at the register and was saying umm and uhh over and over. She asked me if it was for here and I said to go and she kept shifting around all suspicious like. She quickly ducked into the kitchen and mumbled something to the cook then came back.

Then under her breath she said, "I have an offer I'd like to propose to you." That was kinda sparked something inside me, like I was about to be recruited by a secret division of the CIA or something. She got the order for the guy who was before me and gave it to him and then turned back to me, "We have a new sirloin burger and I would like to offer that to you instead." Then she mumbled some more stuff about take out and how it tastes or something but I didn't quite grasp it.

But then I realized, she is giving me a free burger! So I was like, yeah for sure!!! So I stood there waiting kind of still in shock, not really sure what's going on here. From what she mumbled I figured the agreement was I try out this burger but I have to fill out some evaluation paper for them. I have no problems with that.

But then she gives me the burger in a bag to go. Huh?!? And there's no evaluation or anything. After giving me the burger she goes right to helping the next customer. I kinda stood there not really sure what to do. So eventually I just left...and drove away...not really sure what just happened...

WHY DID THEY GIVE ME A FREE BURGER????? What was the whole purpose there?? Cause I'm still scratching my head, seriously. I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight...

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Receiving Transmission From David Bowie's Nipple Antennae - Day Six

I woke up the next morning a little groggy, but still excited to eat some of the leftover vegetarian pizza from the day before. Unfortunately, it was all in the fire. I'm not really sure what happened, but someone threw the whole pizza in the fire.

And then I saw this picture later...I have no idea what the story is behind this, but that will be their little secret.

The drive home was unbelievably eventful.

Wow, so much happened.

More action on the trip home.

My excitement is reawakened as I look at these sweet road trip moments.

What a crazy bunch!

We stopped off for some lunch in Eugene I think. Some of the guys were really excited cause they spotted a famous poker guy in the lobby. They proceeded to take secret photographs of him. Truthfully, no one could confirm whether or not he was a poker celebrity. I think he was just a random guy who sells stuff. If you recognize this face, I'd appreciate any information.

The driving consisted of a lot more of that fun stuff we were looking at earlier. And then we got to Seattle where we met up with Anna and returned the rental van.

Reloading the vehicles after the swap.

On the way home I decided to introduce these grads to one of my favorite things of all time:

The Ricky Gervais Show.

Now, sometimes the language and dialogue can be a bit sketchy on this show, but I figured, they're adults now, it's time for them to grow up. The first 20 mins was all about penises (mainly Adolf Hitler's). I figured that wasn't too over the top. However, there was a little bit later on about a certain brochure for safe sex. I hope I didn't scar those young adults. No one really commented on it much, so I'm not sure if I completely lost all respect with them, or if they were too embarrassed to say they thought it was funny too, or maybe they were just in complete shock and suppressed those memories as a means of survival.

We arrived at the border and the guy there gave me such a hard time. He asked me every question under the sun, and finally asked for the permission letters I had. As I gave them to him I said, "There's a red van behind me. I have letters for the youth in that van as well." To which he replied, "There is no red van behind you." What?!?! I tried to look back, but I couldn't cause the back window was full and it was rainy out. I started to get a bit frantic cause I thought maybe they had gone to peace arch rather than the truck crossing...I went to call Anna on my cell and the guy was like, "Don't do that!" So now I don't know what to think...he finally lets me drive on and I pulled over and looked and sure enough, there was Anna's red van right behind me! What a tool...

And then we made it back to the church. Gave one last talk and prayer for the group and off to sleep we went. I must say, this trip was one of the highlights of my life. I'll never forget it, and I hope the grads had a memorable time too.

Thanks to Eric for capturing us in our natural habitat (I'm not going to repeat how Spencer described it).

Saturday, December 01, 2007

An Unfortunate Incident

tyson and I were on our way to cywc on friday morning, and this guy zipped right by us in a truck

but we caught up to him at the light

so tyson told me to yell at him

so i rolled down my window and as we drove by i yelled and we had a good laugh

except we were making a left turn and i had put tysons sunglasses on the dash and they started to slide....

right out of the open window!

so he pulled over and i ran to grab them, it was so embarrassing, there was tonnes of traffic and they were right in the middle of the lane

and then someone yelled at me!


how humiliating...turns out it was kristian yelling at me, thanks man!

Kortney II

The other day a friend of mine said, "I was looking at your blog the other day and there was this girl commenting on your site. She's hot! I thought that you should go out with her, but then I went to her blog and found out she was married. Sorry Dan!"

Hopefully by blurring the eyes I'm protecting you (you'll understand as you read on)

Yeah, we did have a little thing going for awhile there, but I realized something about her hotness. When we would have marathon make-out sessions, 8-10 hours at a time, I would sometimes stop to look at her (cause she's so hot), and I would feel something inside me, but I couldn't quite explain it. It was like, she's so awesome to look at, and it's making me feel funny inside. Well, it wasn't until she broke my heart by cheating on me with that Russian immigrant that I realized what was really going on.

I soon discovered that everytime I looked at her my heart was slowly turning to stone! I didn't quite know how to explain it until that day she walked out on me and I crumpled to the floor. Why? Because my heart was so a stone! Looking at her turned my heart to STONE!!!

Don't believe me? I went online and found this miracle doctor who took out my heart and replaced it with a new one. All for 3 easy payments of $19.95 (oh, and one complicated payment). Here is scientific proof that Kortney turned my heart to STONE just by looking at her:

The surgery was on the beach

Subsequently, the new heart I got was from a mysterious donor. But oddly enough I can't stop thinking of Minnie Driver?!? Maybe I have her dead husband's old heart and one day she will "return to me" ;) (That one was for you Teresa!)

Now, I try not to look at Kortney, in case my new heart will also be turned to stone. Once I was driving down the road, and I'm not sure if it was her or not, but I looked over at the car beside me and I'm sure it was Kortney behind the wheel. I freaked out, because I was not expecting to see her, and I didn't want my heart to turn to stone. So I quickly ducked and proceeded to drive into oncoming traffic where I smashed into an ice cream truck. Thankfully, the guy was still alive and he gave me some free ice cream while we waited for the ambulance.

Another time I was at Colossus in Langley with some friends, when over their shoulder I happened to see Kortney with the guy who married her (it should have been me!!!).

I freaked out, because, like I've said before, whoever looks at her will have their hearts turn to STONE! I quickly turned around and pulled my hood over my head. I begged and pleaded with my friends to help me. "If you see her coming this way," I mumbled anxiously, "please let me know so I can always face my back to her in case she walks by." My friends were very good to me and helped me out. What they didn't realize was that as a result of looking at Kortney for me, they all had their hearts turned to stone. Sorry pals...

So if you see Kortney, I believe there's a 5 second rule. And it's accumulative. That means if you see her for 2 seconds, the next time you look you only have 3 more seconds even if it's like 20 years down the road. Just pray you don't use up those 5 secs while you're still young and healthy.

Sweet dreams.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Things are changing...

When I was in Grade 11 I used to go to Subway a lot with my friend Josh. We went so much that one time I went in and the guy said, "The usual?" That's power! Well, I would ask for pretty much everything on my sandwich, and I determined that there was something on there that was making my sub taste a little funny. I quickly narrowed it down to olives and from then on have given up on the creepy black things.

Until...I went for supper with the Saucy's last month and they served up this super sweet chicken dish. However, I was a little leery when I first saw it cause it looked like there were jalapenos on it, and everyone knows how well I do with spicy stuff. Well, as I'm eating it I realize these are olives!!! But wait...I really like this! That was odd.
And then a few days later I'm standing in line at Subway and I get this taste in my mouth. Is this a craving for olives?!?! What is going on here????? I asked for black olives on half my sub to test it out. And it was bliss!!!! So now, after 12 years of boycotting I regularly put olives on my sub! What an amazing story...

I think this might be because I am somewhat growing up. My buddy Dennis got married and I got to be his best man. He gave me this awesome watch, which to be honest, when I first saw it I thought, oh man, how can I wear this, it's a grownup watch?!? Well, I've been wearing it and I cannot tell you how many people compliment me on it (and many people are shocked that I would wear such a watch).

Thanks Dennis!

So, those are two signs that I am growing up...yay.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

google searching

i have this way of tracking my blog.

someone (i dont know who) searched for this phrase on google:

when i wake up i'm touching myself

and somehow my blog came up as a match.

not really sure how to respond to that...

Thursday, November 15, 2007


Kortney and I have a love/hate relationship. We dated for awhile and it was kind of a messy break-up. I tried to stop her wedding, but was unsuccessful (she always said I was useless...).

One time we were making out and she bit my lip, just to taste my blood. That was freaky...wasn't really surprised though now that I think of it. Another time she called me a yogurt in front of all my friends. I was so embarrassed!

So yeah, there's a little bit of bitterness and tension between the two of us. I can't honestly say I'm happy for her now. I wish we could have worked things out better.

And now this whole business with blog links!

A couple years ago Kortney came up me and was like,
"I READ YOUR BLOG!!!??!!?"

To which I replied, "So...."

"Well how come I'm not in your links???" She snapped back.

"Because you broke my heart you maneater!!!" I thought in my head but was too chicken to say.
Instead I said nothing and ran out of the room crying. That night someone slashed the tires on my hog. I have my suspicions as to who that person just might have happened to be ;(

And now she's on my case again, "WHY CAN'T I BE IN YOUR BLOG LINKS!!!?!?!?!" Her screams resound in my brain...

So I hope you're happy Kortney cause I've finally added you to my blog links...

under Blogs I Don't Recommend...

with the title Tonya Harding...

You see, Kortney is a figure skater,

And she broke my heart like Tonya Harding broke that girls knee,

And the pain will always be there Kortney. Thanks...thanks for not getting out of my life!

Monday, November 12, 2007

I Love Creepiness...

I don't know where it came from or where it started, but I love creepiness. I think that had a big factor in the Dark Avenger fiasco.

I have come across two things lately which have absolutely blown me away.

Number One - Mr. Brooks

This movie is so good! I thought I was going to like it, but I was surprised by how much I LOVED it. All I knew going in was Kevin Costner was a killer and William Hurt was some creepy guy in his mind. Oh man, William Hurt and Kevin Costner do such a good job!

Number Two - Dexter

I looked at the top searches on and I saw Dexter in there. Thought I would look into it. All I knew was that it was a tv show about a serial killer of some sort. Okay, I watched the first episode yesterday and immediately went to buy the DVD. This show is brilliantly creepy...the end of the first episode absolutely sucked me in!

These fit in nicely with my taste in strange movies. Let me recap some of those for you....


I hope they are watching... they'll see. They'll see and they'll know, and they'll say, "Why, she wouldn't even harm a fly...”

The Shining

Perhaps they need a good talking to, if you don't mind my saying so. Perhaps a bit more. My girls, sir, they didn't care for the Overlook at first. One of them actually stole a pack of matches, and tried to burn it down. But I "corrected" them sir. And when my wife tried to prevent me from doing my duty, I "corrected" her.

Session 9

Hello, Gordon. You know who I am... *Do it, Gordon.*

A Clockwork Orange

There was me, that is Alex, and my three droogs, that is Pete, Georgie, and Dim, and we sat in the Korova Milkbar trying to make up our rassoodocks what to do with the evening.


We see a deadly sin on every street corner, in every home, and we tolerate it. We tolerate it because it's common, it's trivial. We tolerate it morning, noon, and night. Well, not anymore. I'm setting the example. What I've done is going to be puzzled over and studied and followed... forever.


Rise and shine, Adam. You're probably wondering where you are. I'll tell you where you might be. You might be in the room that you die in.

The Cell

Do you believe there is a part of yourself, deep inside in your mind, with things you don't want other people to see? During a session when I'm inside, I get to see those things.

From Hell

There, there Netley. I shall tell you where we are. We're in the darkest region of the human brain, a radiant abyss where men go to find themselves.


Do it like I showed you, the neck is first.

Friday the 13th

You see, Jason was my son, and today is his birthday...
(The scariest ending to a movie I have ever experienced!)

Silence of the Lambs

A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

Sweet Dreams....

Saturday, November 10, 2007


I used to love Full House.

In fact, our whole family loved the entire TGIF lineup!

Why?!? What?!?

I used to LOVE Van Damme movies. Seriously...and Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Steven Seagal, etc, etc...

These were my favorite movies at age 13!!!!!!!!
What the?!? Huh???

(Okay, I actually still love the movies Timecop & Total Recall)

The reason I can't stand these shows now is because I am intelligent and they are shallow. Now, I'm pretty sure I got my intelligence from my parents, but seeing as how they enjoyed these shows as well (in their adults years) makes me wonder.

I have a sneaking suspicion my Dad is/was a smart guy. I mean, he did crossword puzzles a lot (and he did free the slaves...). Does that say something? I remember overhearing him have a deep theological discussion with my uncle. Now that's what I'm talking about!

My mom is smart, the only way I beat her at Scrabble is by cheating (it's for your own ego mom!). But anytime I try to have deep conversations with my mom about theological issues she usually just smiles at me until I'm done talking.

So why did my parents love to watch these shows and thus make us think these shows were great things to fill our minds with??? (Oh, I should note my mom is smart because she doesn't/didn't like the Van Damme type movies)

I don't get it.