At Arm's Length

I have relational issues, as I'm sure you all know about me. The other night I realized that I keep everyone at arm's length. But....I don't really know why I do it. I have some ideas, but I've never fully thought it through.

Some starting points:

- I like to be in control

- I have been hurt in the past and don't want that to happen again

- It's just easier being alone

- I know too many people

Let me think about this some more.

Why Compare?

"The world in which I have grown up is a world so full of grades, scores, and statistics that, consciously or unconsciously, I always try to take my measure against all the others. Much sadness and gladness in my life flows directly from my comparing, most, if not all, of this comparing is useless and a terrible waste of time and energy.

Our God, who is both Father and Mother to us, does not compare. Never. Even though I know in my head that this is true, it is still very hard to fully accept it with my whole being."

Henri Nouwen "The Return of the Prodigal Son"

the girl of my dreams - #10

10. loves reading, and very intellectual

finally an easy one! she loves reading and is very intellectual. wow, i sure hope so! i would love to read a book together with the girl of my dreams and get into some fun discussions about it. i'm not saying i'm super intellectual, but i think i'm a pretty deep thinker. it would be nice to be with someone who loves to go there too.


good call megan!

the girl of my dreams - #9

9. akward at first, because she is a tad shy

oh Megan, looks like we've got another spelling mistake on our hands...

akward, what does she mean by this?

maybe she means "acquired" - to come into possession or control of, often by unspecified means.
so I need to acquire her first, because she is a tad shy and needs a dominant male to take possession of her. guess what? i'm a dominant male!


so how will I acquire her? like maybe in an arranged marriage? or perhaps i'll have to pay the father in donkeys and potatoes or something? is megan saying she will be a mail-order bride? that could make things quite easy actually.


let's not rule out other options though. is the k there by accident? should it read: award at first, because she is a tad shy. so that could mean i need to initiate conversation with flowers, chocolates, or a first place trophy. i think i can pull that off.

well, i don't know, but this could be a stretch...how about awkward at first???


i guess this fits. it will be awkward at first cause she is a tad bit shy (which i am also, so yeah, it will definitely be awkward at first). in googling the word akward i came across the akward turtle.


this is what i will do when we first meet to signal that it is akward.

awkward can be fun, though. i've actually been thinking lately about how to make life more awkward for my own amusement. this thought came to me on The Office last week with this conversation:


Michael: We'll get him to hit on somebody and then we'll catch him in the act.


Dwight: I love catching people in the act.


Michael: mmm...


Dwight: That's why I always whip open doors.


Michael: Me too.

For the record, I hate catching people in the act. When I was a teen we were on a roadtrip somewhere with youth and we stopped at the gas station. I went to use the washroom. The door was unlocked. I opened it. I then saw the biggest butt I have seen in my entire life. I quickly closed the door and ran back to the bus. I did not want the person knowing I caught them naked in the bathroom.


Whenever I am staying at someone's house I always make lots of noise and foot stomps when I'm coming into a room. I don't want to surprise people and catch them doing something embarrassing. I once walked upstairs and the lady of the house I was staying at was in her underwear coming out of the shower. I didn't see her but she screamed and jumped into her room. That was not fun.


But now I'm rethinking that. Jerry Seinfeld has a routine about leaving bathroom doors unlocked. Whenever you walk in on someone by accident you are more embarrassed than they are. So Jerry says he leaves bathroom doors unlocked on planes so he can see other people get embarrassed when they walk in on him. (He worded this so much better than me, but I couldn't find the exact quote!)

It is only awkward if I make it awkward. If I catch someone in the act and I act awkward, it will be awkward, but if I act like nothing is awkward, than it will be a hilarious situation. And not just that, but I can be much more awkward all the time. Although, I guess I don't want to alienate people. I guess I just need to find a way to be awkward, but in a way that makes it amusing not just for me, but for everyone (including the girl of my dreams).


Oh, Michael Cera, that's who I need to emulate!

Another Phase

So I got my hair cut the other day.

And

it

is

AWESOME!!!

I have never had a hairdresser that actually cut my hair like I wanted it cut, until now.

SO....here's the thing. I have been getting amazingly mixed reviews on this new hairstyle.

From,

"This is my favorite look of yours"

to

"HAHAHA! That looks ridiculous!"

So I am curious to know what you think of my new hairdo...and I would appreciate full honesty. I really like it and no one can change my mind. So I won't be offended if you're harsh, I welcome insults. I really find it incredibly fascinating how different the opinions have been so far.

*additional pics added at Amanda's request...









well???

Why Do I Give?

Good Question Dan!

Before we answer that, how about we ask, "Why Should I Give?" I'm not going to have all the answers, this is just off the top of my head.


- To show love for that person

- They are in need

- To break from my selfishness

- To remind myself I am part of a community and not simply individual

- To keep me humble

- To bring joy

- To reward someone for their hard work (that is largely unrecognized)

Okay, what did I miss?



Now to "Why do I give?" Once again, off the top of my head (and from others)...


- It is expected of me because of the time of year/situation (Christmas, Birthdays, Weddings, Graduation, etc.) and also because of the person (relative, coworker, friend, mailman, politician, etc.). If presents aren't give at the proper time to the proper person they might feel hurt.

- I know that others will be buying me presents and I need to match that or they will think less of me or be hurt

- Along those lines, if I want good gifts from others I need to get them good gifts. Therefore, I give good gifts so that I can get good gifts (or hopefully even better gifts!).

- So I don't look cheap (Ashley)

- To make people like me

- Gives me validation as a friend or loved one (A J Craig)

- To win the "game"; To be the one who gives the best and most memorable present that year.

- Love the feeling of giving a gift no one else thought to give (A J Craig)

- To feel good about myself

- To woo someone

- To top last years gift I gave

- And I'm sure I also give for the reasons I should give mentioned earlier...


As I write this all these negative emotions are welling up:

Disappointed
Frustrated
Confused
Panicky
Insecure
Overwhelmed
Criticized
Overlooked
Rejected
Undesirable
Embarrassed
Awkward
Ashamed
Average
Affronted
Singled Out
Entitled
Burdened
Obligated
Anxious
Apprehensive
Indecisive
Doubtful
Uncomfortable
Tense
Selfish
Immature
Jealous
Envious
Angry
Stupid
Insulted
Sad
Conned
Bitter
Wronged
Duped
Resentful
Debilitated
Despondent
Regretful
Mocked
Disregarded
Exploited
Unappreciated
Belittled

Dang, this is stupid! I should not be feeling this way about gifts, but these are all emotions I've experienced from past experiences of giving and receiving presents. So yeah, I'm kinda done with the way things have been done in the past. I need to change the way I give and receive presents and how I promote my new philosophy.

What are your thoughts???

My Birthday Present to Someone Special

Today is the 26th birthday of my favourite person in the world. You know how I made that list before and said all that stuff about how you shouldn't have favourites? Well, I have to admit that after much introspection there is, without a doubt, one clear person that is my favourite:

My sister.


Jaclyn Rose Sweeney. Sorry Mom, sorry Robyn, sorry Josh, sorry Kortney, you are all second place to Jackie (seriously, I'm not even joking).




Jackie and I were quite close growing up. I remember when we first moved to Fort St. John we lived in a motel and the two of us prepared a play for our parents...but I think we might have been too embarrassed to actually perform it.


We also shared a room for a few years. In FSJ there was a dresser with this big mirror that we put between our two beds. One night I kicked it, the leg broke, and the mirror crashed down on top of me. Well, it didn't smash or actually even touch me, it more hit the wall. Neither of us got up, we just went back to sleep (I don't think Jackie even woke up).


But then nastiness befell us. I hit my teens and was "too cool" for Jackie. Plus our parents separated and I had a lot of inner anger issues that I took out on Jackie. Those were the dark ages.

We didn't talk much through high school, and when we did it was usually yelling. After I moved out of the house we talked even less. But thankfully, after I moved back home to go to CBC I admitted my mistakes to her and we began to be friends again.


oh man, I love Conor's hair in this picture...


And I have to say, my time living with her and Mom while at CBC were some of the best times of my life. I loved being able to come home and joke around but also have serious discussions with Jackie.

I totally fell in love with her, but I hardly ever say that because it's kinda awkward, haha. But I love her more than anyone else. She is funny, intelligent, hard-working, thoughtful, sincere, beautiful, compassionate, etc, etc, etc. I'll stop there.


I was even extremely honoured to propose the toast to her at her wedding. Umm, I'm not crying, my eyes are just a little sweaty today....




And the adventures continue...

I've been saving something special for Jackie ever since I found it on the internet. It is with much love and blessings that I pass this on to her.

So Jackie,





without further ado,












I now present










your 26th birthday present











from me








5...






4...







3...









2....










1.........






HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!


Look Jackie, it's Jesus praying over you and your unborn baby!

At first glance I thought this picture was outside, but that's a living room?!? But it's so oddly proportioned. And why does Jesus have no feet??????????? I like the cats though, and the ray of sunlight coming down on the tummy.

It even kinda looks like you! Haha...


Happy Birthday Sister!

Love, Dan

A Response to Comments - Part One

Thank you to all those who comment on my blog. I hope that what I write is entertaining, but also thought-provoking. Don't feel obligated to write on my blog if you aren't inspired. I'm not looking for pity or compliments. What I really appreciate is...well, what I just said I guess, comments that are inspired/sparked as you read/read my blog.

Now sometimes I am inspired/sparked to comment on what others have commented. But I worry that if I only comment in the comments section, others who don't read the comments will miss out. And sometimes I'm just too lazy to type, so I don't and then the moment has passed.

Well my friends, let me unearth the past and provide additional comments to your comments. The dates are all hyperlinked to the actual post. Before each comment I've given a brief summary of that particular post.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

One of my first posts.

kortney said...

Cooooper, I fooooound you.
That was my creepyish voice.

No comment. Yet.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

I wrote about how I find myself more real with kids than with adults (but that's changed since then).

JAnie & DAve said...

cute kids! Ahhh, don't be too hard on yourself, i know plenty of equaly silly women who would fall for you. They just live in winnipeg, sorry.
Janie

Still waiting...

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

I wrote three confessions: I prefer being indoors, I prefer forests over beaches, and I don't think all babies are cute.

kathleen marie said...

crying shame. but at least you're honest...is it honesty hour? cause i could get a few things off my chest, too. ;)

I would be curious to hear what those few things are...so yes, it is honesty hour!

Saturday, March 15, 2008

I wrote about my new love for coffee.

Anna said...

On my theology course last year, I used to get so sleepy that coffee really was the only way. It was a total last resort because I can't stand it, but my friend made it very very strong and loaded it with milk and sugar. I may not have been paying much attention, but dammit I was awake! Hahah.

I haven't tried it since, but maybe some day :)

I have no clue who you are?!? I love it, though, when strangers comment on my blog like we're best friends. That's like bonus points in my opinion.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

My adventures with the Corolla.

Jaclyn_Rose said...

Awww Dan - too bad we haven't had any special times in that car :)

PS That's kinda scary that you were driving 50km/h while taking that picture! hehe

Funny you should say that, when clearly the first story about going to Victoria for my birthday in the Corolla was in fact with you (there is even a photo of you, haha). Perhaps you were hoping for a more significant story. We did drive to Fort St. John together with Dad, but that was in the Tercel. Maybe the future will provide us a story. Oh, hopefully the baby comes unexpectedly and is born in the Corolla!! I can't wait.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

I wrote about one of my favorite topics: Alfred Hitchcock Movies.

Demara said...

I'm not sure I've seen any of these films, b4. One of my favourite's is: "Enemy of the State" with Will Smith. Have you seen it?

Yes, yes I have seen "Enemy of the State." Why is that one of your favourite movies?

END OF PART ONE.

Alfred Hitchcock

I like Alfred Hitchcock movies. I think he was a very smart man. He made about 45 movies and I have seen 30 I think. I own most of them but haven't gotten around to seeing all the older ones.

These are my top ten Hitchcock movies (the last 5 all tied):


6. The Lady Vanishes
Where did she go???


6. The Trouble With Harry
A surprisingly funny, dark comedy.


6. The Birds
The first time I saw the ending I thought it was really boring. The second time I saw it I couldn't stop flinching. The big climactic ending and there isn't even any music playing.


6. Frenzy
Love the neckties and the sack of potatoes...


6. North by Northwest
Tough luck. Nice move at the auction.


5. The Man Who Knew Too Much
Que sera, sera (whatever will be, will be)


4. Rear Window
A photographer with a broken leg spies on his neighbors from the confines of his apartment. What he discovers just might kill him! "Disturbia" with Shia LaBeouf used a similar concept. Not bad actually, but nowhere near the original.


3. Dial M for Murder
The first Hitchcock movie I ever saw. I taped it off of A&E, but didn't watch it right away. One night I was home alone and thought, "Let's give it a shot." It blew me out of the water and got me hooked on Hitchcock from then on. It was remade as "The Perfect Murder" which actually was really good also.


2. Strangers on a Train
When I was a kid my brother introduced me to an incredible movie called "Throw Momma From a Train". I always wanted to find out what that comedy was based on and it was this movie. All around great film.


1. Psycho
Not only my favorite Hitchcock movie, but my favorite movie of all-time. Norman!