the girl of my dreams - #9

9. akward at first, because she is a tad shy

oh Megan, looks like we've got another spelling mistake on our hands...

akward, what does she mean by this?

maybe she means "acquired" - to come into possession or control of, often by unspecified means.
so I need to acquire her first, because she is a tad shy and needs a dominant male to take possession of her. guess what? i'm a dominant male!


so how will I acquire her? like maybe in an arranged marriage? or perhaps i'll have to pay the father in donkeys and potatoes or something? is megan saying she will be a mail-order bride? that could make things quite easy actually.


let's not rule out other options though. is the k there by accident? should it read: award at first, because she is a tad shy. so that could mean i need to initiate conversation with flowers, chocolates, or a first place trophy. i think i can pull that off.

well, i don't know, but this could be a stretch...how about awkward at first???


i guess this fits. it will be awkward at first cause she is a tad bit shy (which i am also, so yeah, it will definitely be awkward at first). in googling the word akward i came across the akward turtle.


this is what i will do when we first meet to signal that it is akward.

awkward can be fun, though. i've actually been thinking lately about how to make life more awkward for my own amusement. this thought came to me on The Office last week with this conversation:


Michael: We'll get him to hit on somebody and then we'll catch him in the act.


Dwight: I love catching people in the act.


Michael: mmm...


Dwight: That's why I always whip open doors.


Michael: Me too.

For the record, I hate catching people in the act. When I was a teen we were on a roadtrip somewhere with youth and we stopped at the gas station. I went to use the washroom. The door was unlocked. I opened it. I then saw the biggest butt I have seen in my entire life. I quickly closed the door and ran back to the bus. I did not want the person knowing I caught them naked in the bathroom.


Whenever I am staying at someone's house I always make lots of noise and foot stomps when I'm coming into a room. I don't want to surprise people and catch them doing something embarrassing. I once walked upstairs and the lady of the house I was staying at was in her underwear coming out of the shower. I didn't see her but she screamed and jumped into her room. That was not fun.


But now I'm rethinking that. Jerry Seinfeld has a routine about leaving bathroom doors unlocked. Whenever you walk in on someone by accident you are more embarrassed than they are. So Jerry says he leaves bathroom doors unlocked on planes so he can see other people get embarrassed when they walk in on him. (He worded this so much better than me, but I couldn't find the exact quote!)

It is only awkward if I make it awkward. If I catch someone in the act and I act awkward, it will be awkward, but if I act like nothing is awkward, than it will be a hilarious situation. And not just that, but I can be much more awkward all the time. Although, I guess I don't want to alienate people. I guess I just need to find a way to be awkward, but in a way that makes it amusing not just for me, but for everyone (including the girl of my dreams).


Oh, Michael Cera, that's who I need to emulate!