Regret

Amy recently asked me if there was anything I regret...

Is there?

Yeah, there is. I'd like to say no there isn't, because I wouldn't be who I am today without everything that came before this time (the beautiful and the ugly). Yet, I do feel regret, even though I don't like it.

I've been going through my old journals again and of course it rehashes old feelings. Mostly I am ashamed of most of the things I've written. So I contemplate, "Should I throw away some of these pages?" I really want to. I want to destroy them, to cast them into the abyss where no living soul will ever see what I've done or what I've been (or still am).

But

I

CAN'T.

why??

The Weeds in the Wheat! The Weeds in the Wheat.

I cannot pull out the weeds without ruining the wheat. They are intertwined.
You just don't see it ;)
I try REALLY hard to hide the weeds.

And that's why I am reserved and cautious. I don't want you to see the weeds, the weeds that I can't pull and burn.

So I tuck them under my hat and hope you don't notice.

I hate wearing hats.

Actually I have gotten kinda comfortable with some of my dirty laundry flapping in the wind. Some I have outright embraced! And I'm so thankful for that freedom...and I look forward to complete freedom.

It's coming, I can feel it!