I'm Going To Hell For This

"I'm going to hell for this"

Sometimes I find myself saying that in my head. As I ponder decisions I've made or am going to make I often say, "I am going to hell for this." I don't really know when I started saying it or even why I started saying it. It just comes out.

So obviously it means I'm not comfortable with my decision and that I will face some sort of punishment for it. Or does it???


Yesterday I realized perhaps I am misinterpreting my self-conscious. Or perhaps I have decided to force my self-conscious to change its attitude. Even though I say the exact same sentence, I discovered it can mean two different things. And the difference is the outcome.

With the first meaning, the outcome is punishment. The choices I have made or will be making are the wrong ones and I know it and I will face punishment for them.

Because I did THIS (made a choice and acted on it)
I am now GOING TO HELL (to face final judgment and punishment for my actions)

OR...

The second (and now preferred) meaning has the outcome of reward. The choices I have made or will be making will cause suffering, BUT it is worth it.

I am GOING TO HELL (willfully choosing to suffer as a result of my actions)
For the sake of THIS (something worthy that requires one to go through hell in order to receive it)


Which is precisely what Jesus did. He looked at the world and his people and said, "I'm going to hell for this." In the Garden of Gethsemane when he saw the choices before him, he chose hell, because there was no other way to bring about shalom and restoration.


Okay, so this got me thinking a little, and this could possibly be terribly heretical. It certainly isn't biblical (that I can think of). What if Eve and Adam made the right choice? What if God was saying, "If you want freedom and intelligence, you must go through hell first."? SO they could have chosen to live brainless, robot lives but instead chose a deeper life. One that required them to suffer a great cost.

Kinda like the Matrix???


"Eve, this is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes."

And look at Cypher's attitude...


"I know what you're thinking, 'cause right now I'm thinking the same thing. Actually, I've been thinking it ever since I got here: Why oh why didn't I take the BLUE pill?"

Haven't we all thought at one point, "I wish they hadn't eaten from the tree!" All this mess could have been avoided if they had obeyed one simple command. But is that the life you really want? Perhaps before eating from the tree, everything was a mindless, ignorant bliss. But after the tree, our eyes were opened!

Maybe it wasn't a fall, but instead a leap.


I'm going to hell for this.