I Am All Alone Now...

My friend Cheri has this as her facebook status:

"Cherry Cheri is all alone now"

I don't know why she wrote that, or what she's feeling, or what she's going through, but it made me think. Yes, I continue to think, and to see things from other angles.

Kind of a theme I've been on lately, seeing one thing and then realizing it might have a completely opposite meaning. When someone says, "I am all alone now..." we sigh in sadness with them, because it is sad to be alone. Even God himself says, "It is not good for man to be alone..."

But what if it isn't sad? What if it isn't about loneliness? You know where I'm going with this.

Sometimes it is good to be alone. Even when a couple is together, they still need their alone time. But that's not really what I'm getting at here. Sometimes it's good to be alone, and not in any serious relationship with the opposite sex.

My friend Paul once told me, "It's good for you to stay single...it's worked out for me."

I am all alone now.

Someone replied to Cheri's status with, "we are all alone silly!" That's true. Even those who have been married for 50 years are still "alone". Sure they are connected with an intimate bond of love and experience, but they will always be individuals. Even after such a long period of time together, there will still be miscommunication and the need for privacy. No one else hears all your thoughts or feels every emotion you feel. We have to deal with life on our own first. We are all alone.

I like how the last word of that sentence is now.
I am all alone now.
As if to say previously I wasn't alone. But as I've already pointed out, we are always alone. So maybe the addition of the now implies that I have finally accepted that truth. Where previously I thought I wasn't alone, I now know I am alone. Even while in a serious relationship or just with a group of friends, I thought I wasn't alone, but now I know I was and still am all alone.

I am all alone now.

"After He had sent the crowds away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray; and when it was evening, He was there alone."

For awhile I was not content being alone. People at church set me up with different girls and when those didn't work out I turned to online dating. God told me to stop trying. He told me to trust in him. And I did for a time. But then after a few months I was signed up again for online dating. And I ignored God and his desire for me to trust completely in him on this one. But I couldn't escape it, I couldn't escape him. So I gave up and quit again. And I put my trust in God.

And it was going alright. I was learning to be content with being alone. Yet it still nagged me. And just when I thought I was content, yada yada yada...I'm not content being alone.

But that is where God wants me to be. He wants me to be alone. For a time. And I'd like to put a number on that time, so I know when it's over. But I can't know. I just have to trust.

I am all alone now.

And I don't really like it. Yeah, turns out it still is sad for me. I'm not happy about it.

But I know that soon I will like it. Soon I will be able to say with a sense of release, "I am all alone now!"

I'll let you know when that happens.

"You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me."