Losing

After I lost all my files off my external hard drive, I didn't really know how to feel. I was kinda numb, but then I began to realize it was probably for the best. Why was I collecting all those videos anyway? What was the point of all that time spent?

I don't know. I don't know what the heck I'm doing.

So to lose it all kind of made me realize it was a waste of time. I knew it was a waste, but I did it anyways. I don't know why I did it.

In the movie "Following" there's this character named Cobb. He's a thief and he's taken a young man under his wing to teach him about stealing. The first house they break into together, Cobb finds a box that contains memorable keepsakes (letters, photos, etc.). He explains to the young man that this box tells something intimate about these people and that they are very privileged to be seeing something so rare. At this point he empties the box on the floor and the young man exclaims, "What the hell did you do that for?" Cobb replies that this box is like a diary. The homeowner hid it, but secretly they wanted someone to find it. And that's what Cobb does, he comes in and flips it all over so that the people know someone has seen it.

"That's what it's all about - interrupting someone's life, making them see all the things they took for granted. Like when they go back and buy all this stuff from the shelves with the insurance money, they'll have to think for the first time in a long time...why they wanted all this stuff, what it's for. You take it away and you show them what they had. " - Cobb

For the first time in a long time, I'm wondering why I had all these video clips in the first place. And now for that matter, I wonder why I have all the movies I have. And why I have all the video games I have.

Years ago I knew I was obsessed with movies and video games so I got rid of all my stuff. It was really refreshing for me. As a result, I've never been into video games in the same way I was then. I still play them, but not nearly with the same obsession.

I'm losing my interest.

I'm ready to give up again.

I'm not going to collect videos off the internet anymore.

I'm not going to buy anymore dvds.

I'm not going to buy anymore video games (except Zelda games).


(i'm assuming thanks go to melissa for this cartoon)