And when it comes to Kortney, I never win. Everyone knows I've been crushing on her the first day I met her, but of course I was too chicken to say anything or do anything. And then I made up a whole bunch of stories about how we dated and kissed and stuff, but the reality is...
I made it all up. Yes, for the most part I lied to you and I lied to myself. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I finally have to man up and come clean. "Why?" you ask. Because Kortney is now officially a mother and I don't go for women with kids.
Proud parents of the beautiful Alexys May Story
And I know for sure that her child is not mine, because I did not have sex with her (thank you Conor for explaining how that works.). I've learned a lot about life from Kortney's recent journey into motherhood. Let me share what I've discovered:
1. I won't be able to give a truly accurate definition of the word happiness until I hold my own baby in my arms.
2. Babies fall asleep in Santa's arms.
3. If you're a good girl, you might get a baby for Christmas.
4. It's okay to eat babies (as long as you share).
Wait, maybe this is my kid...look at the size of those feet! Conor, are you sure???
5. If you piss babies off, they will punch you out.
Hey! Chelsea came all this way, but didn't even call me?!?!!
6. Chelsea cares about babies more than me.
(unfortunately there are no pics to go with the last few pieces of wisdom)
7. Certain parts of your body change shape, and they probably won't change back.
8. Even though your child poops at the worst possible times, you won't get angry because the love of a mother is stronger than that.
9. Labour is something you would want to do again...in a heartbeat!
10. Peeing in the shower is a great suggestion (but I already knew this).
So Kortney, this is it! I'm officially letting you go and wish you and your family all the best. Thanks for not beating me up, Jordan.
Hope you all have a happy new year!
1 comment:
I didn't see this Cooper.
Strange though, I'll miss your blogs about me. I'll admit I frequently checked just to see if you wrote about me.
Thanks for drawing all this interesting information from my blog.
Post a Comment