Drowning in My Thoughts

1. I think I am on the verge of a transition...or maybe I am just realizing a transition that has been happening for awhile now.

2. God speaks to me, and it's so clear, it scares me. And I find myself growing more and more aware. Ideas, thoughts, Scripture, music, writing and art interconnect and align right before my mind's eye.

3. A friend recently said to me, "I don't mean this in a 'mean' way or harsh way...with our friendship, I can take it or leave it." Out of context this statement seems brutal, but I understand why they said it. In life we can only have so many close friendships, and sometimes consciously or subconsciously we have to make decisions about who gets priority. I know I've acted like a jerk to many of my friends, and it's not because I intended to piss them off. It's just, I don't have time for everyone, and sometimes I just don't have the energy. I don't want to say yes to hang out and then be miserable. That only causes the other person to be miserable. Am I making sense?

So in the case of my friend saying "with our friendship, I can take it or leave it." I completely understand. I've said the same thing many times to others with words and sometimes without words. It's life, that is part of being human. But it sucks, boy it sucks. I miss that friendship, and maybe they are reading this blog. Trust me I'm not asking you to make more effort or anything. I'm just processing the reality of our situation.

4. In the last week I wrote two posts titled "People I Do Not Like" and "People I Do Like". What an interesting experience that has been! The first was a topic on my mind for some time. Its always been to me an idea that we all hold, but no one is willing to say it out loud. So I said it, but what I didn't realize was how contradictory it was to the sermon I had heard that morning. It wasn't until later that I was struck.

Dave was preaching on favoritism, and how we shouldn't do it, haha. The final analogy he gave will forever stick in my mind. We all play this "game" where depending on factors largely beyond our control, you are labeled as either lucky, blessed, popular, etc. or unlucky, cursed, loser, etc. And some, of course, fall in the middle as average or less than or slightly above. It is a "game" we can hardly ignore. It is ingrained in us at an early age and is a significant part of our culture. If you are the privileged few, the game is sweet, but if you are not the game can be cruel. Yet we still play it. So in steps Jesus. This guy ruined the game for everybody. Have you ever played a board game with a group of people and one person turns out to be a "game ruiner"? Just when you think you're winning, the "game ruiner" decides he no longer wants to play and gives all his money and houses/cards/points to the person in last place. Now you don't have any chance of winning. Don't you hate playing games with people like that? Well that's Jesus. The ultimate "game ruiner". And he's calling us to ruin the game with him. To make the first, last and the last, first.

So that gotz me thinking, "Am I ruining the game, or do I continue to play it like everyone else?" Now I wasn't too happy with my first post, so I wrote the second post as an attempt to ruin the game. Seriously how could I write a whole list of all the people I like?!? The reactions were interesting. If you haven't read them yet, go back and read them in light of Dave's message.

5. Committing to write two posts a week has been an excellent experience thus far. It has gotten me in the rhythm of writing on a consistent basis, which makes it easier to collect my thoughts. One of my dreams is to do some professional writing in the future, and I know it will take lots of practice to get there.

6. I had the most fascinating dreams last night. In one I visited a church in the area here. I immediately recognized the youth pastor who I meet with every couple weeks. But then as I looked around I was surprised at others that were there. Friends of mine from Abbotsford that have slipped off my radar. People I went to CBC with. I didn't expect these people to be there, and I was moved by it. I knew I missed them, but I didn't realize how badly I missed them. One person in particular stood out to me. I treasured our friendship so much, and I didn't even see it fade away like that. Tragic.

7. Christopher West (armed by Pope John Paul II) is flipping my world upside down. Please read these articles - http://www.christopherwest.com/page.asp?ContentID=15. I desperately think the church needs to be in charge of a Sexual Counter-Revolution and it's happening...but I don't think the Protestant church has got it figured out yet.

8. I'm hungry.