"Oh great, not another Kortney post..."
Sorry, but for all my avid readers out there, I'm sure you're as perplexed as I am by the comment left by Kortney not too long ago on one of my posts. For those who don't know, Kortney and I have had quite the checkered past. The best way to understand our relationship is with analogies:
Kortney is to Dan as:
The Joker is to Batman
Tonya Harding is to Nancy Kerrigan
Yoko is to The Beatles
Richard Simmons is to David Letterman
George W. Bush is to America
The Mule is to The Spinning Wheel
Here is the aforementioned quote:
kortney said: "I don't even know what to think of you right now."
What could I have done to illicit such a reaction you wonder??!? Well, perhaps it was because I removed her from my links. That's not surprising though, because I never read her blog (does anyone?).
Or maybe, just maybe, it's because I saw her at McDonald's the other day...and I probably should have said hi, BUT, lo and behold, much to my surprise, SHE'S PREGNANT!!! So of course, I was shocked and speechless, how could this happen? I mean, could this child be mine??? Why didn't she tell me sooner? I know she's married and all, but aren't girls pregnant for like 4 years or something before they give birth. In any case, if she got pregnant 3 yrs, 4 months, 7 days, and 5 hours ago I definitely have reason to be concerned!!! Oh wait, can you even get pregnant from biting someone's lip? I really wish I hadn't passed out in Sex Ed.
So I don't know what to do now...thankfully the Maury Show is really keen to hear our story. So hopefully next week, if Kortney is willing, we'll be flying down to get a paternity test. I can't believe I might be a dad, but secretly I'm hoping for "you are NOT the father". Then I'll jump up and run around the stage high-fiving everyone. Oh, I'm so happy we can finally work out our differences with all you Channel M viewers out there! Cross your fingers friends, and make sure to tune in Sept 7th at 1pm.
6 comments:
I didn't even know you removed me from your links. So there.
And I wish someone would fill me in on this joke we have going Cooper. I just don't get it.
And how rude. You saw me and you didn't see me, and you didn't know I was pregnant. Sheesh.
Dan, you are pretty much the weirdest person I know
Ha.
I cant say I get it either, but I am laughing. And John-Mark is laughing. He says Maury is on at 3, not at 1. By the way.
Hahaha... Kortney posts are the best!
Hey Dan, gave you an add on my blog, love the movie stuff, and your Doctor Who reference in your name made me respect you even more. Why dont we ever hang out if have such similar tastes?
By the by, have you seen BBCs Primeval yet?
I tuned in, but I didn't see you! What's up with that?
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