It's Late

Where have I been?

There have been a number of factors distracting me. The biggest one is definitely Amy. Here is why:

1. I would often write late in the evening. Now I'm with Amy pretty much every evening. And it's never just hang out with Amy. I can't do other things while I'm with her because she wants me to be present. I understand that. I want her attention too.

2. Most of the time when an idea comes to my mind that I could write about, I end up sharing it with Amy. Then it loses its fizzle. I don't feel an urgent need to tell others because I've already outed it.

3. It takes a lot of mental energy for me to write. It takes time for me to stop what I'm doing and just ponder and ruminate on ideas and thoughts. Most of my mental energy is being invested in Amy now. When I get home my mind just wants to shut off.

I don't think these are bad things. They are normal. This is the new reality. I am adjusting. I love Amy more than I do blogging.

I think I should be writing more though. Amy hates when I ramble on about mundane things (cross one letter in Amy Hales and you get Amy Hates). Previously I could vent all those things on the internet and she could filter out what she wanted to hear and what she didn't. Now she can't. It's time to start writing again.

I've got a lot on my mind. So many things are running through it. I need to share.

Amy isn't the only distraction. Everything with my dad's cancer and passing has had a profound effect on me. It's unearthed feelings I didn't realize were there. I've had many dreams where we freely converse with one another. It's been a very long time since we've been able to talk like that. I've also been having many other dreams regarding his memorial. This is a weird time.

And life as a youth pastor is not as cohesive as I'd like it to be. I feel scattered, flying by the seat of my pants, and spinning more plates than I can handle.

But I love God more than ever. I'm glad he pushed me when I fell. He's the only one in this room who really knows what's going on. I like to think I completely trust him.

That's all I have to say right now.