Mutual Friends Competition

I currently have 513 Facebook friends. When I am bored or procrastinating I try to see who has the most mutual friends with me. This has inspired me to come up with a new contest.

On June 1, 2009 at 12:01 pm the three individuals who have the most mutual friends with me will be the winners!!! Here are the prizes:

1st Place - Dinner and Concert with Me.

2nd Place - Movie and Snacks with Me.

3rd Place - Coffee with Me

So far, these are the standings as I far as I can tell...

7th Place (tie)


Jaclyn Sweeney - 72 mutual friends


Karin Saethre - 72 mutual friends

5th Place


Jordie Roste - 76 mutual friends

4th Place


Andrew Learmonth - 78 mutual friends

2nd Place (tie)


Matt Castle - 80 mutual friends


Megan Hazelton - 80 mutual friends

1st Place


Tyson Kliem - 120 mutual friends

I Am All Alone Now...

My friend Cheri has this as her facebook status:

"Cherry Cheri is all alone now"

I don't know why she wrote that, or what she's feeling, or what she's going through, but it made me think. Yes, I continue to think, and to see things from other angles.

Kind of a theme I've been on lately, seeing one thing and then realizing it might have a completely opposite meaning. When someone says, "I am all alone now..." we sigh in sadness with them, because it is sad to be alone. Even God himself says, "It is not good for man to be alone..."

But what if it isn't sad? What if it isn't about loneliness? You know where I'm going with this.

Sometimes it is good to be alone. Even when a couple is together, they still need their alone time. But that's not really what I'm getting at here. Sometimes it's good to be alone, and not in any serious relationship with the opposite sex.

My friend Paul once told me, "It's good for you to stay single...it's worked out for me."

I am all alone now.

Someone replied to Cheri's status with, "we are all alone silly!" That's true. Even those who have been married for 50 years are still "alone". Sure they are connected with an intimate bond of love and experience, but they will always be individuals. Even after such a long period of time together, there will still be miscommunication and the need for privacy. No one else hears all your thoughts or feels every emotion you feel. We have to deal with life on our own first. We are all alone.

I like how the last word of that sentence is now.
I am all alone now.
As if to say previously I wasn't alone. But as I've already pointed out, we are always alone. So maybe the addition of the now implies that I have finally accepted that truth. Where previously I thought I wasn't alone, I now know I am alone. Even while in a serious relationship or just with a group of friends, I thought I wasn't alone, but now I know I was and still am all alone.

I am all alone now.

"After He had sent the crowds away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray; and when it was evening, He was there alone."

For awhile I was not content being alone. People at church set me up with different girls and when those didn't work out I turned to online dating. God told me to stop trying. He told me to trust in him. And I did for a time. But then after a few months I was signed up again for online dating. And I ignored God and his desire for me to trust completely in him on this one. But I couldn't escape it, I couldn't escape him. So I gave up and quit again. And I put my trust in God.

And it was going alright. I was learning to be content with being alone. Yet it still nagged me. And just when I thought I was content, yada yada yada...I'm not content being alone.

But that is where God wants me to be. He wants me to be alone. For a time. And I'd like to put a number on that time, so I know when it's over. But I can't know. I just have to trust.

I am all alone now.

And I don't really like it. Yeah, turns out it still is sad for me. I'm not happy about it.

But I know that soon I will like it. Soon I will be able to say with a sense of release, "I am all alone now!"

I'll let you know when that happens.

"You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me."

Don't Pick on my Friend!!!!

K, this has gone on long enough. I won't sit by while you put my friend down again and again! How can you be so inconsiderate??!?


Of course, I am talking about rain. Today's a wet day. We get these every once and awhile in the Lower Mainland. Lots of people get complainy on days like today. I think you should shut it...

Yes, I agree, rain makes the mood gloomy. A dark grey sky does not typically arouse feelings of joy. I get that. And rain ruins your hair, gets your clothes wet, and makes the ground muddy and roads slick.


But I strongly believe it is worth it. Let me share with you why I am in love with rain:

1. It slows life down. Too often we get rushy and busyness overtakes our lives. When the rain comes we drive slower (hopefully) and people tend to stay inside more. Our mood tends to become calmer and introspective.


2. It is relaxing. The sound of falling rain is so soothing. A rainy day inspires us to curl up under a warm blanket with a cup of tea in front of a roaring fire. Now that's the good life!


3. It waters all our plants and gardens and grass, producing amazing results when the sun comes out. If you want sunny days without the inconvenience of rain, why not move to the desert?!? Gee, cause maybe we need rain to make things pretty and our food delicious?!


4. Seriously, the water cycle is probably one of the most brilliant things God invented! Without rain we wouldn't have fresh water, umm, pretty much the greatest thing since fire.

5. No rain = no rainbows! Everyone loves rainbows. I saw an amazingly brilliant one just the other day driving into Ladner.


6. umbrellas, raincoats, gum-boots, and puddle-jumping!


7. Some of the best movie scenes are in the rain: the upside-down Spiderman kiss, Evie experiencing freedom for the first time in V for Vendetta, Rachel MacAdams and Ryan Gosling embracing in the Notebook, Gene Kelly singin' in the rain, Zach Braff and co. yelling into the infinite abyss wearing trash bags, etc...

8. Everyone I know who loves soccer, says it's best in the rain (I kinda like football in the rain).

9. Prevents forest fires.


10. I find it simply beautiful. Aesthetically pleasing, refreshing, and romantic.

Oh please, please, stop slagging off rain. I'm tired of all your whining about inconvenience. The rain does so much for you, so you should show your appreciation!

Reluctancy

I hear people talking about Scrubs all the time. Especially Ting. Whenever I think of Scrubs I think of Ting.

Well, I've never understood the humour of it. I just didn't get why people liked it. I would see it on TV and try to give it a shot, but I really did not like it, AT ALL!!!!

So tonight Amy asked me if I wanted to watch it. I didn't. But she was determined to convince me it was good. So I'm willing to give anything a shot.

As the episode began, I wasn't interested. I couldn't bring myself to laugh. I didn't like it...

but then it slowly began to chip at my hardened shell...

and a little chuckle came out...

and Amy would be so proud of herself...which would make me more resolute. I will not enjoy Scrubs!!!!


but then I laughed again, and again, and again. and then they actually said some stuff that had depth to it. and i realized this show isn't just about goofy jokes. it actually has a point.

and we ended up watching 2 more episodes and i loved them both on multiple levels. hurumph...

so Amy won....
dangit! now i like scrubs......

Ed Wood II

Don't know the story of Ed Wood? Check out this previous post.

Because here is my second revision to DVD cover:


What do you think? I'm quite proud of it myself (although the scanner didn't capture it perfectly). The first time I just put on Josh's face and added his name over Johnny Depp's. This time I added the angora sweater and the word bubbles. I didn't want Josh to be associated with the cross-dressing Ed Wood, so I now have him saying, "I don't wear woman's clothing anymore!" That way people won't be confused.

Well, I think it might be time for a third revision....
And I sure hope Josh appreciates my art.

More Albums for All Time

A few months ago I posted a list of albums that have a special place in my life. It doesn't matter what kind of mood I'm in, I love listening to these songs. Well I have some new additions.


Louder Now
by Taking Back Sunday

This band absolutely sucks in concert. One of the worst live bands I've ever seen, but their CDs are soooo good! Now granted, most of the time I listen to them, anger is stirred up within me. But it is quite the rush!


Where You Want To Be
by Taking Back Sunday

The first Taking Back Sunday cd I got. I listened to this all the time while at Camp Luther my first summer as Program Director. It was an emotional summer. This was just what the doctor ordered.


OK Go
by OK Go

When I went to England 2 yrs ago, Robyn told me this was a great band. I sorta knew who they were, but the instant I really gave them a shot I was hooked. Fun, energetic, bubbly, an all around good time.


Oh No
by OK Go

I got both of these cds at the exact same time, so in my mind it's one big album.

I thought I had a few more cds to add, but I still have a few more months before they've passed the two year mark.

Thanks Ken!

Awhile ago I wrote a post about my frustration when trying to express myself. And then Ken responded with a link to this cartoon:


Now, I admit this wasn't very encouraging to read. I thought, "Why would Ken send me this?!?" I was just expressing my frustration and it was like Ken was saying back to me, "You're not working hard enough!"

That really felt like a jab in my side. So, thanks a lot Ken!

But there was something more to this. Hmm, I think Ken might actually be very wise...especially when it comes to art. We all struggle with expressing ourselves. Fortunately for some people, artistic expression comes fairly naturally, but what I keep forgetting is that artists work really hard to perfect their art.

I think what he was really trying to say to me was, "Don't give up, Dan! Keep working at perfecting your art. It's not going to be easy, so stay strong."

Even if that's not what you were trying to say, Ken, that's what I got out of it. And that has encouraged me to not give up on perfecting some of my ways of expression. Since that post I've been playing my guitar a lot more than I have been the last few years, and it's been really cool! I've even begun writing some new songs, which I haven't done for a long, long time.

So once again, thanks Ken!

ps. is it just me, or do my posts sometimes feel like they end too abruptly?

I am Silver

For my facebook status I often will type the first word that comes to my mind. Or I might hear an interesting word, so I'll use that one. 80% of the time, when you see a single word as my facebook status, it is utterly meaningless.

I am surprised people continue to ask me why I'm (fill in the blank with my random word). So I have to explain to them what I just explained to you. It is random or weird and does not really describe my current status in reality.


You know how long I've been doing this? Since August 3, 2007. A year and a half ago I wrote, "Dan Peters is silver." And the rest is history. After that these were the next series of words:

meh
meth
mesh
mess
messy
mossy
toxic
disinfected
soluble
succinct
distributed
palpable
dissipation
undulating

k, I'll stop there...that's only one month of words.

Now the tricky thing about my facebook status is this...20% of the time it's not really random. Sometimes the first word that comes to my mind is actually very apt for my present situation. So it might seem random, but it actually fits just right. And then, of course, sometimes I purposely write a strange word that definitely fits my current state, but you don't know when I do that!


Once again, I'm sneakily being open and honest about my personal matters, but you have no idea!!!! Fully public and fully private, existing together at the same time.

What's the Point?

How do atheists deal with that question? I'd like to know. Someone tell me.

I'm sure they deal with it somehow, or else they would be a lot more depressing and immoral. So what's the point if there is no God?

That's the only reason I have for coping with it. Do I need more? I kinda feel like I need more.

What's the point?

Watchmen is really depressing me. Well, it's not just Watchmen. It's more Watchmen is reflecting how I'm feeling. I knew there was something I was connecting with while I watched the movie. Now as I'm reading the graphic novel (*comic book, ha!) that's the question that plagues me.

What is the point?

The abyss gazes also into you.

A Poem

The Most Convenient Way
by Ronnie Burt

i love her style.
but so worth it.
haha, that's my girl.

happy happy days.
i am craving some sunshine.
i am excited about my new running shoes.
and you eat with your sunglasses on

doesn't she look like lucy from chronicles of narnia?
back in a few days
my happy little life
where you can get great steak and shrimp

i told cate about st. patrick's day and ireland
she has a lot of irish ancestors through me.
ps- did i say i would sew this past saturday?
i meant next saturday! haha!

it was super delicious.
and a delicious coke.

i think that packages stacked all over the house
are a nice decorative touch
happy things!

and the fact that she's 31 makes me happy to be 31.
cate was so happy she began yelling
"let's give a hand to springtime!
let's give a hand to the world, for everything it can do!!"

i am determined to get the house clean so i can relax and sew tomorrow.
and you are happy.
i love that she's an expert knitter and yet chooses to create very simple pieces;
there's a tiny restaurant.

really, cate is also mexican,
japanese,
native american,
swiss,
and a lot more
- a true american -

so we actually have a lot of family history travelling to do,
but i really love the romantic beauty of ireland,
and have always been drawn to that part of the world.
plus i really love corned beef.

my sister and hair stylist, coco,
is coming to utah county once again
to meet our hair needs.

How Can I Maintain This?!?

There's two weeks left in my commitment to post thrice weekly, and I've become increasingly more horrible at getting it done on time. It's 12:32am on Sunday Night. I had a great idea for my post and started writing it, but I'm just way too tired to get it done...

The word that continues to come to my mind is resolute.

resolute: marked by firm determination

I'm not acting resolute, but I feel resolute. Almost like it's on the verge of exploding, just waiting to take over. I could use some resolve. Most of the time, when I determine to carry through with something, I stick to my guns. But in this instance, I'm anxious. And the funny thing about this post is this:

You have no clue what I'm talking about. You might be thinking, "Oh I know what Dan needs resolve for, because I'm so close to him and I know what he's going through."

But you don't know. Not only have I not told anyone about this, it has nothing remotely close to anything I have even shared with anyone. No one knows what I'm talking about. Only me. And that's funny cause that makes this post completely private even though it's on the world wide web.

And I think I can do it. I am resolute.

Once again I feel the copper sweat of clinging change.

Mates of State - Get Better

I like Mates of State...

I was trying to think of a Christmas present for Amanda. I wanted to buy her a CD so I asked Melissa for some suggestions, cause she has pretty good taste in music. Nothing was standing out to me, and time was running out. Melissa wasn't around for more suggestions so I looked on her facebook and tried listening to different bands in her favorites list. When I came upon Mates of State, I was done!

Instantly I fell in love with their songs. I went to the nearest HMV and thankfully found their newest album and bought it for Amanda. I then went home and bought it for myself on iTunes. So good!

The funny thing about that is...Melissa hadn't even heard the new cd, she only knew their older stuff. Turns out their sound has matured, naturally. So what Melissa was recommending unconsciously through facebook, wasn't even what I bought. Funny little accident in my opinion.

Before Christmas I went and visited Lesley on the island. This was just after I had gotten this album, so I was listening to it a lot. Whenever I visit Lesley it's like taking a violent roller coaster ride through my psyche. Think Willy Wonka, but the ride lasts longer than 5 minutes.


So many of these songs were sparking feelings in me, especially "Get Better." The line that continued to stand out:

Everything's gonna get lighter, even if it never gets better

I didn't really understand what it meant, but it was planting itself deep inside me. And today I get it (at least I think I do).

Another line is:

I propose a less serious boat

Sometimes you need to stop taking things so seriously. And as a result things might not get better, but they will be lighter. Which is what I need right now. I need everything to get lighter, even if it never gets better.

Charlie: This is kinda strange.
Grandpa: Yes. Strange, Charlie, but it's fun! Haha!

MSN

Either most of my friends have stopped using MSN

OR

Most of my friends have blocked me on MSN

I have 41 people in my contacts and I usually only see the same 3 people every once in awhile.

(And is it weird that most people call it MSN when that's the name of the company that made it?)

I used to use MSN so much, but have hardly been using it now that most of my friends aren't online anymore. Maybe it's because my friends are actually getting a life, and I'm just a little slow on that bandwagon. I think it's overrated, but I'm in the process of giving it a shot for a change.

So are you blocking me on MSN or have you just stopped using it?

*it's been spring break the last couple weeks for my youth and it's completely messing up my schedule. i didn't really get my usual day off this week AND i completely forgot to post on Wednesday. sorry about that, I'll post again tomorrow to make up for it!

Regret

Amy recently asked me if there was anything I regret...

Is there?

Yeah, there is. I'd like to say no there isn't, because I wouldn't be who I am today without everything that came before this time (the beautiful and the ugly). Yet, I do feel regret, even though I don't like it.

I've been going through my old journals again and of course it rehashes old feelings. Mostly I am ashamed of most of the things I've written. So I contemplate, "Should I throw away some of these pages?" I really want to. I want to destroy them, to cast them into the abyss where no living soul will ever see what I've done or what I've been (or still am).

But

I

CAN'T.

why??

The Weeds in the Wheat! The Weeds in the Wheat.

I cannot pull out the weeds without ruining the wheat. They are intertwined.
You just don't see it ;)
I try REALLY hard to hide the weeds.

And that's why I am reserved and cautious. I don't want you to see the weeds, the weeds that I can't pull and burn.

So I tuck them under my hat and hope you don't notice.

I hate wearing hats.

Actually I have gotten kinda comfortable with some of my dirty laundry flapping in the wind. Some I have outright embraced! And I'm so thankful for that freedom...and I look forward to complete freedom.

It's coming, I can feel it!

I'm Going To Hell For This

"I'm going to hell for this"

Sometimes I find myself saying that in my head. As I ponder decisions I've made or am going to make I often say, "I am going to hell for this." I don't really know when I started saying it or even why I started saying it. It just comes out.

So obviously it means I'm not comfortable with my decision and that I will face some sort of punishment for it. Or does it???


Yesterday I realized perhaps I am misinterpreting my self-conscious. Or perhaps I have decided to force my self-conscious to change its attitude. Even though I say the exact same sentence, I discovered it can mean two different things. And the difference is the outcome.

With the first meaning, the outcome is punishment. The choices I have made or will be making are the wrong ones and I know it and I will face punishment for them.

Because I did THIS (made a choice and acted on it)
I am now GOING TO HELL (to face final judgment and punishment for my actions)

OR...

The second (and now preferred) meaning has the outcome of reward. The choices I have made or will be making will cause suffering, BUT it is worth it.

I am GOING TO HELL (willfully choosing to suffer as a result of my actions)
For the sake of THIS (something worthy that requires one to go through hell in order to receive it)


Which is precisely what Jesus did. He looked at the world and his people and said, "I'm going to hell for this." In the Garden of Gethsemane when he saw the choices before him, he chose hell, because there was no other way to bring about shalom and restoration.


Okay, so this got me thinking a little, and this could possibly be terribly heretical. It certainly isn't biblical (that I can think of). What if Eve and Adam made the right choice? What if God was saying, "If you want freedom and intelligence, you must go through hell first."? SO they could have chosen to live brainless, robot lives but instead chose a deeper life. One that required them to suffer a great cost.

Kinda like the Matrix???


"Eve, this is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes."

And look at Cypher's attitude...


"I know what you're thinking, 'cause right now I'm thinking the same thing. Actually, I've been thinking it ever since I got here: Why oh why didn't I take the BLUE pill?"

Haven't we all thought at one point, "I wish they hadn't eaten from the tree!" All this mess could have been avoided if they had obeyed one simple command. But is that the life you really want? Perhaps before eating from the tree, everything was a mindless, ignorant bliss. But after the tree, our eyes were opened!

Maybe it wasn't a fall, but instead a leap.


I'm going to hell for this.

Kings of Leon

I've known about Kings of Leon for awhile, but I've never heard any of their songs. They're big in England so I would often hear about them on the Ricky Gervais Show. Well, now they're finally getting big over here, which is weird because they're from America. I always assumed they were from England, cause I never heard anything about them here.

Well anywho, I am currently addicted to these two songs. I think it's almost time for me to really give them a chance.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCZfJ5ai07U

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHhhcKxflMY

The Finish Line

Last night I finally did it! I have now seen ALL 52 HITCOCK MOVIES!!!!! Can you believe he pretty much made a movie every year? That's incredible. A big thanks to Amy, Megan, and Phil for helping me watch the last 5 movies during Lent!!!

Of the last batch that I saw, some were really good. Some were absolutely horrible. For those who care, these are my favorites of the ones I just watched:


The Lodger
The first and best silent movie I have ever seen.


The Farmer's Wife
A silent romantic comedy! Who woulda thunk?!?


Rebecca
I guess it won the Best Picture Oscar for a reason.


The Paradine Case
So much depth, I loved it!


Downhill
Loyal to the end.

These ones were the most painful:


Number Seventeen
In my opinion, the worst Hitchcock movie! The sets were so lame, the editing was terrible, oh everything about this movie was a mess (athough the trains at the end were pretty cool).


The Man Who Knew Too Much
I like the remake so much more than this one. The acting and the pace was pretty awful here.


The Ring
Supposedly a great Hitchcock movie, but it bored me and the plot really pissed me off.


Easy Virtue
I change my mind...THIS is the worst Hitchcock movie!!! Number Seventeen actually was intriguing cause it was so weird, but this one was soooo boring. What a sad movie that just leaves you feeling empty.

These ones were surprisingly better than I thought they would be:


Juno and the Paycock
Supposedly a terrible Hitchcock movie, due to the thick Irish accents. However, I found it easier to understand than some of his other movies PLUS I loved the characters.


Skin Game
Also got bad reviews, but I thought it was entertaining.


Murder!
A nice little murder mystery that even involved homosexuality! Very interesting for a film from the 1920s.


Waltzes from Vienna
Hitchcock's only musical, and I loved the music! Plus it was a cute story.


The Manxman
A true tragedy. The lesson? Always tell the truth sooner than later.

Gargon!!!

So youth on Wednesday, we started to play Gargon. Simple enough game, run around trying to find flashlight pieces without getting caught by the Gargon. Except, within the first two minutes the Gargon was put out of commission. You see, I was the Gargon, and this is my story.

I had been chasing a few kids around the church, trying not to overexert myself because I know how out of shape I am. Standard stuff running up and down the halls, etc, when I decided to go down into the sanctuary to tag some more kids. I ran down the stairs and saw some of my prey, so when I hit the bottom of the stairs I turned quickly to make a hard right. That's when my ankle twisted and *POP*...I crumpled to the ground in pain.

I could still rotate my ankle so I figured nothing was broken, but it was still quite painful. As I'm lying on the ground writhing in pain some of the youth stopped to ask how I was. For most of them though, they just kept playing the game. I could hear them running by me trying to find the flashlight pieces. Unbelievably most of the youth that stopped to talk to me didn't ask how I was, but instead asked me for clarifications on the rules of the game. Like I really care about the game anymore!!! Don't they see that the main person in the game, the Gargon, is in terrible agony on the floor??!? Crazy.

So I gave the Gargon duties to someone else while I iced my foot. While I was sitting there, I thought, "So should I still do the lesson for tonight? Should I go to the hospital? I don't know what to do here." So I decided to leave the youth to just keep playing and went to the hospital. I was starting to feel nauseous and I wanted to start the long wait in the emergency room sooner than later.

I've never gone to emergency in Ladner before. I was hoping it would be a short wait like all my times at the Mission hospital, but no, I was there for quite awhile. It was an hour before I actually got into the ER. Then it was another hour before they took the x-rays. And then the doctor came and told me the news.

Mumble mumble, FRACTURE, mumble. I could hardly hear what she said. "Oh man," I thought, "Am I going to get a cast?!" Then she said, "It's only a sprain." Huh??? I think she must have said earlier that it's not a fracture. Oh well, haha, so she said a nurse would come and put a tensor bandage on it. Guess how long that took? About 45 minutes. I was so tempted to just go home and do it myself, but I wasn't sure if there were anymore instructions for me. Anywho, she bandaged me up and away I went.

Yesterday it didn't hurt much and was hardly bruised. Today the bruise has grown bigger and bigger throughout the day. Stupid thing. Now I'm walking around with a crutch so I don't put too much pressure on it.

And to think, I almost had my first cast!!!

Expression...

I am so limited.
I am boxed in,
tied down,
wired wrong,
cramped,
uncoordinated,
disabled,
deficient.

In life, I am probably most frustrated by my inability to communicate and fully express what is going on in my mind, heart, and soul. I have such a vivid and rich imagination, but it is incredibly difficult for me to convey that to others.

I want to write with eloquence.
I want to paint with brilliance.
I want to sing with passion.
I want to dance with music (rather than against it).
I want to speak with clarity.
I want to create films with depth.
I want to photograph with fresh perspective.
I want to play an instrument with precision.
I want to act with veracity.
I want to live and love without fear.

sigh.