Jesus is *ahem* My Coach.

Not only is Jesus everywhere...he also helps you out with everything. Take sports for example. Jesus isn't just cheering from the sidelines. No, he's out there with you every step of the way. Thankfully, someone has recreated these precious moments for us to display on our dresser? mantle? nightstand? Wherever you feel it best inspires you...

I've divided these figures into three convenient categories:

1. The Ridiculous


Wasn't it Jesus who said the First will kick everyone's...oh wait, hmm I need to look that up again.


If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn and block the left! Thanks Jesus!!


How is Jesus going to keep up with them?

Okay, these next ones really bother me cause not only is Jesus our coach, he also comes along and plays too!


I'm not sure that's the right footwear, or uniform. Which team is he on anyway?


Once again, sandals are great for basketball...and I don't think Jesus is being very fair. Maybe he's giving them a lesson on how the kingdom of heaven is like a tall guy dominating a game of basketball against kids.


Not really sure what kind of play Jesus is executing here. And no helmet??? Way to set an example...


Unbelievable...at least Jesus isn't wearing sandals.


Wow, Jesus is going to get frostbite. Not even a toque!

2. The Questionable


Nothing questionable here, right??? Jesus is simply handing the baton to the next runner.

Until you see it from another angle...


ummm...I hope he's looking at the baton.


Not sure it's really effective training two gymnasts at once. And is it necessary to put your arms around them?


Umm, yeah...Jesus coaching young girls ballet? I'm not sure I'd sign my girls up for that studio. Although, Jesus is very GRACE-ful (get it???).

3. The Creepy

I know, all of them are kinda creepy, but these ones are especially creepy cause I don't think anyone actually coaches little kids like this.


Ok, so are there any coaches that do the "wrap your arms around the person" to teach better form? Seriously, I think I've only seen this method used in movies where it's the sleazy guy trying to get closer to his date. So I don't think it's wise to be posing Jesus in such a fashion...especially with all the recent sexual abuse scandals in the Catholic church.


Once again, wrapping your arms around a little kid as a coaching method does not look good. You would think this company would have someone that might spot the potential misinterpretation. But yet, Conan O'Brien made fun of these statues on national TV, and this company proudly boasts, "As seen on The Conan O'Brien Show!" Which means they are still selling these products even though they know everyone thinks Jesus looks like a pedophile in them...

So please, please, please, forgive us Jesus for representing you this way

Oh, Jesus...

People's depictions of Jesus always fascinate me. Conan O'Brien once showed all these Jesus figurines he'd found. They were unbelievable (update - I just found them and will post them shortly). Well here are some "interesting" pictures of Jesus that I have found. I apologize to the artist who I'm sure put all her heart and soul into these, but I think Jesus looks nothing like you think he does.


Oh that crazy Jesus, he just loves creating planets.


What in the world is with Jesus' face in this picture? It's so mangled and wonky looking. But boy, does he love sheep or what???


This picture is titled, "Forgiveness." At first I didn't know what Jesus was forgiving the little boy for. I see the kid has a sling shot so he must have done something bad with it...wait, what's that in Jesus' hand. Oh no!!! That kid killed a bird!!!!! If I were Jesus I would make him eat it.

Okay this next picture is absolute gold!!! I need to build up to it before you actually see it.

It is titled, "The Bride of Christ." And remember, WE are the Bride of Christ.


So you and I are accurately represented in this next painting.





How do you think you would look as the Bride of Christ?







Ready???






3...










2...









1....








YOU MAY NOW KISS THE BRIDE!!!!!!!


I hope I can make Jesus that happy.

Stay tuned for even more accurate portrayals of our Lord and Saviour...

A Special Evening With My Special Friend

We've come so far...

Back in the year 2000, my wonderful mother purchased a new car: a grey/beige Toyota Corolla. At the time, I could not have foreseen how close I would get with that car, after all I had a car of my own...

I think my first big trip in the Corolla was August 2000. For my 22nd birthday my Mom took me to one of the greatest places on earth, the Royal London Wax Museum in Victoria! It was there that I took such memorable photos as these:



Almost a year later, June 2001, my mom and I drove together in that car all the way to Fort St. John and Prince George. It was on that trip that I bought my first skateboard (which I used for a whole month!). I also had a chance to drive to Grande Prairie on my own and visit my Dad. But probably the highlight of that trip was on the way home, we were in the Chilliwack area when I finally decided to ask my mom some personal questions I had on my mind for some time. It was a great time of getting to know her, and growing deeper in our relationship.

That summer I worked at Camp Luther. As mentioned, I had my own car, an '85 Chev Cavalier (given to me by Kevin), but it was on it's last legs. At the end of the summer a bunch of counselors planned a road trip to Calgary. There wasn't any room for me, but I really wanted to go, so I asked my mom if I could take the Corolla. Sure enough, she said yes!

Nancy had helped out at camp that last week and I asked her if she wanted to go too. Maybe some of you didn't know this, but I had huge thing for her. Well, on that trip there was one night where Nancy and I drove around Calgary for hours. You see, she wasn't interested in me like that, but I tried my hardest to win her over. I remember clearly at one point being in the Superstore parking lot after all that time, and I finally asked her out. She said yes! But then a few minutes later she says, "Now I feel sick..." Hmm, that one moment became a perfect snapshot for our tumultuous relationship over the next few years. And it happened in the Corolla.

The Cavalier had finally given up the ghost, so I was once again carless. In May 2004, I was hired as the Program Director at Camp Luther for the summer. It was a big step for me and my Mom had a proposal for me. She was upgrading to a different Corolla and asked if I wanted to buy this one. I quickly accepted and thanks to my new job, had it paid off in no time. The Corolla was now MINE!!!

My last year at CBC and at Abby Free Church I used to pick up a bunch of the CBC youth leaders in my Corolla. I would also drive to Ethical Addictions and pick up AJ. He always had a different drink prepared for me. To this day I continue to love Caramel Macchiatos. That year was my favorite time as a youth leader, because of those people. Without a doubt it was the funnest and most interesting group of people I've worked with in youth ministry. I miss those days dearly.

One of those youth leaders was Chanel. I used my Corolla a number of times to woo her. Once I picked her and Jenny up from the skytrain (which was a horrible experience, I went to the wrong station and left them stranded for over an hour). Another time I drove Dustin to the airport, and Chanel to the skytrain...but to be honest I didn't care about driving Dustin, I just wanted to be with Chanel. I would have driven her all the way to Sechelt if she would have let me.

And one day I was driving by CBC. It was pouring rain and I saw Chanel running to class. I pulled over and offered her a ride. It was a short trip, but apparently it was significant. Chanel would later tell me that was the first moment she knew she liked me. We started dating shortly after that. The longest road trip I've ever done in my Corolla was to California with Chanel that summer.

In October 2005 I started working at Cedar Park Church. My first experience as a full-time youth pastor. My first week on the job, the youth welcomed me by decorating my Corolla. It was so encouraging. I love this place and the people so much.

Much time was spent in my Corolla travelling back and forth to Sechelt to be with Chanel. This was a very significant time in my life. Especially the last couple months of our relationship, when my Corolla became the first one to hear all my frustrations and anger. Especially the last day I went to see her. I was going to pick up something I needed that she had, but when I got to the ferry I realized the times had changed. I wouldn't be able to go across and come back in time. So I actually pulled out of the ferry line and called her to say I wasn't coming. I never did see her after that.

I went on a couple road trips in 2007 that were a whole lot of fun! The first was to see Snow Patrol in Seattle with Maia and Megan. We had an absolute blast, despite the fact that I got my second speeding ticket after 10 yrs of perfect driving!

Shortly after that experience I drove out to Calgary with Nooksack to see the Taking Back Sunday/Underoath concert with Kontagious and Hummer. It was such a wholesome trip listening to the Ricky Gervais show. However, at one point in the trip we drove through a tunnel that was pitch black. After we came out Nooksack and I discussed how sketchy that was. Then as we came to another tunnel I sarcastically said to her, "Who knows what we'll find in this tunnel!" Like a second after I said that the car dipped a bit, and went into a slight fishtail due to the slick snow/rain conditions. I tried to correct it but soon was out of control. I slammed into the side of the wall and spun around (once or twice, I can't even remember). Then just as suddenly the car straightened out and I calmly pulled over. Thank God there weren't any other cars around us or we would have had some serious problems. I asked Nooksack if she was okay and she was. Then I thought of my Corolla. I thought it was going to be all ripped up and ruined. When I got out of the car I just kinda chuckled to myself.

At first glance I couldn't see any damage apart from mud splattered on the side, a ding in the fender, and my hood was popped up. It was so surreal!!! There was nothing leaking and there weren't any funny smells so we just continued driving all the way to Calgary and back! When I finally got it checked out I discovered my engine had actually been pushed back by the impact, yikes. I'm so sorry buddy!!! But the autobody place did a remarkable job fixing it!

Wow, that's a lot of stories from my Corolla...and I could even go on longer. Many important events and moments in my life were with that car. And last night we crossed a milestone together. My beloved Corolla crossed the 200,000 km mark.

Dang, we're getting older my friend!

I have nothing to say...

Oh man, how am I going to post twice a week?!?

Any ideas? Suggestions?

Hmm, I kinda understand why people are all whiny about the new facebook, but actually I don't really get it. I mean, yeah it's different but after you use it for a couple days it seems fine. So why are like millions of people against it?!? Seriously, things change, that's life, get over it.

On my facebook status I said I thought the new facebook whiners should get over it. But that's not what I really wanted to say. This is what I wanted to say:

"Dan Peters wants the new facebook whiners to shut it!"

Did you know I rarely, rarely ever sneeze only once? Also, I almost always sneeze after having a mint.

So, okay, that's all I have to say tonight...and wow, this new posting commitment is really going to rock the world. Can you feel the ripples?

The World is About to Change

Are you as frustrated as I am lately...


You know the drill...you've had a hard day of work, come home, kick off your shoes. You grab a refreshing beverage from the fridge and fire up the old comp-u-ter. And there's only one thing more you need now to take your mind off your troubles and lift your spirits to new heights: iamcooper.blogspot.com. But lo and behold, Dr. Coopernicus Who hasn't posted a new blog in 2 weeks!!!


And no matter how many times you read over the last post, it just isn't the same as getting a fresh nugget from that warped psyche. And then you look over at that enigmatic picture of him and say, "Why, why haven't you got anything new for me today????" But he just stares back at you with that mocking smirk, or half-frown, or whatever the heck that facial expression is.


Well, my friends, the world is about to change, because he has just released this statement:

"Noble readers and spirited expatriates, it is my pleasure to announce to you today, that from now until Dec 25, 2008, I commit to post on my blog every Wednesday and Sunday by the stroke of midnight. I may even post more than twice a week (wouldn't that be a treat?). There will be movie critiques, there will be remarkable insights into my character, there will be tales of adventure and woe, and of course, there will be more Kortney posts. I have never sought to dredge so deeply into the bowels of my own personal insanity, but I think you all deserve it. Fais de beaux rêves!"

- Dr. Coopernicus Who, September the 10th, 2008


I can't wait...

My Life: An Update

My life in a nutshell...



I am currently on the verge of entering my fourth year at Cedar Park Church. What a fun ride! It's like I've always been here (Shining style!).


I am currently single. Cancelled all my online dating subscriptions. Taking a break from the intense world of dating strange women I've never met before.


I could be a father, but that's up for debate. How reliable are DNA tests anyways?!? pfffff...


I now like sushi, coffee, olives, and Nando's chicken.


I weigh just over 200 lbs. It's been that way the last 3ish years.


I'm 30 now, and I didn't really throw a birthday party. I don't really understand birthday parties. They've kinda lost their specialness to me now that every day someone I know has a birthday. And I'm growing increasingly more sick of giving and receiving presents as time passes. Maybe I'll post about that later...


I've been living in this basement suite 2 yrs now and I think I've had people over 5-6 times. Is that bad? Last weekend was the first time anyone ever spent the night. That kinda sounds bad...it was my friend Phil visiting from UVIC.


I have been flossing on a regular basis the last 4 months.


I'm still quite narcissistic and arrogant (do I hide it well?).


My hair is longer than ever, and my beard is on it's way again. Oh and I have contacts again.


In the last 2 years I have travelled to England, Scotland, Edmonton, St. Louis, Australia, New Zealand, Vanderhoof, Seattle, Oregon, California, Disneyland, Kamloops, Victoria, Montreal plus airports in Texas, Chicago, Los Angeles, and San Francisco. Next up for travel destinations are (but not limited to) Disneyland, Comic-Con, Rome, and other parts of Italy.

Does that answer your questions? Or would you like to know more???

Kortney III

"Oh great, not another Kortney post..."

Sorry, but for all my avid readers out there, I'm sure you're as perplexed as I am by the comment left by Kortney not too long ago on one of my posts. For those who don't know, Kortney and I have had quite the checkered past. The best way to understand our relationship is with analogies:

Kortney is to Dan as:
The Joker is to Batman
Tonya Harding is to Nancy Kerrigan
Yoko is to The Beatles
Richard Simmons is to David Letterman
George W. Bush is to America
The Mule is to The Spinning Wheel

Here is the aforementioned quote:

kortney said: "I don't even know what to think of you right now."

What could I have done to illicit such a reaction you wonder??!? Well, perhaps it was because I removed her from my links. That's not surprising though, because I never read her blog (does anyone?).


Or maybe, just maybe, it's because I saw her at McDonald's the other day...and I probably should have said hi, BUT, lo and behold, much to my surprise, SHE'S PREGNANT!!! So of course, I was shocked and speechless, how could this happen? I mean, could this child be mine??? Why didn't she tell me sooner? I know she's married and all, but aren't girls pregnant for like 4 years or something before they give birth. In any case, if she got pregnant 3 yrs, 4 months, 7 days, and 5 hours ago I definitely have reason to be concerned!!! Oh wait, can you even get pregnant from biting someone's lip? I really wish I hadn't passed out in Sex Ed.


So I don't know what to do now...thankfully the Maury Show is really keen to hear our story. So hopefully next week, if Kortney is willing, we'll be flying down to get a paternity test. I can't believe I might be a dad, but secretly I'm hoping for "you are NOT the father". Then I'll jump up and run around the stage high-fiving everyone. Oh, I'm so happy we can finally work out our differences with all you Channel M viewers out there! Cross your fingers friends, and make sure to tune in Sept 7th at 1pm.

The Top Three - Part Five

I know it's been awhile and the suspense has been killing you all, so I finally present my top three movies of the summer!!! And I should note I saw X-Files after I started the list (and I think I'd probably put it between Wanted and Indy).

Drumroll Please....

11. The Incredible Hulk

10. Hancock

09. Wanted

08. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

07. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

06. Get Smart

05. Iron Man

04. Speed Racer


Can You Guess The Top Three Before Scrolling Down????






















03. The Dark Knight

The Dark Knight as number 3?!?!? Bet that shocked a lot of you. Of course it's in the top 3 because it truly was a sweet movie, but why number 3? Well, let's talk about it's merits first.

I love Christopher Nolan, that guy is one of my favorite directors. The Batman movies have been so much more than just a comic book adaptation since he took over. He has made the stories much deeper and I love it. Also, Christian Bale is a sweet Batman, although I think he's better as Bruce Wayne then as Batman...loved him as the rich playboy (but with his lips and teeth it's pretty obvious he's batman).

The thing that made the movie, though, without a doubt, as every agrees with me...Heath Ledger as the Joker was absolutely incredible!!! As you know I love creepy and wow, he was a psycho! His laugh, the way he walked, his lack of regard for anything...so beautiful. Like Daniel Plainview from There Will Be Blood this was a character I could just sit and watch for hours. I miss the Joker, and I am crushed that I will never get to see him like this again.

Rumours are flying around of Johnny Depp as the Riddler, or Angelina Jolie as Catwoman??? Interesting choices...

So what didn't I like about the movie, why only #3??? Well, for starters, everything was waaaaay too convenient. Of course, that's a comic book movie for you, but I don't know, just gets on my nerves. How in the world did the Joker pull off all the stunts he did in such a short amount of time, and without getting noticed no less??? Same with Batman...

I didn't really like the batmobile. Okay, it was pretty cool, but when his chair would shift down and he would slide under to operate the missles...why?!? That whole thing was just a waste of time in my opinion. It wasn't cool and not at all practical. So I didn't like that, and then, oh great, now his car has broken apart into a motorbike. That makes a whole lot of sense! So dumb...and what was with the whole riding on the wall, flipping around, and stopping maneuver. So stupid!

As much as I love Christopher Nolan, the fight scenes were pathetic. Not much happening there and what did happen wasn't really fun to watch. I hope he doesn't do anymore Batman movies cause they are the weakest of his movies in my opinion.

So I loved the movie cause it was super entertaining, the Joker was one of my favorite characters of all time, I loved the plot and the storyline, and it wasn't too ridiculous as comic book movies tend to be. But I didn't like the fight scenes that much, thought maybe it was a little too long, and some things were still ridiculous and way too convenient.

Yet I saw it twice in the theatre, which does not happen very often for me!!!



02. The Happening

"Are you serious Dan????? The Happening beat the Dark Knight in the top three??? And what is it even doing in the top three????????" Seriously, people hate this movie, and I can understand why, but I think M. Night Shyamalan is just making movies for me, because I absolutely loved it!

I'll admit though, I didn't like Lady in the Water, so I was worried, especially with everyone hating on this one. But it paid off for me in a big way. I loved how random this movie was. So many things happen which are completely shocking and out of the blue. I love that type of stuff. The fate of the boys yelling in the cabin? Sweet! The old lady? Priceless! I think they should have called this movie WTF? cause that's how I felt the whole movie, and that's why I loved it! Others hated it for that reason, but I thought it was fun and interesting.

I agree the dialogue was hurting at points and some of the choices were weird, like with John Leguizamo's character?! But I loved Mark Wahlberg and Zooey Deschanel. I loved their relationship. I agree I didn't really buy Wahlberg as a teacher, but if you ignore that I thought he was really funny and perfect as the lead.

I especially loved the themes and the plot. My take on the movie was it was all about love. How Elliot always gave up everything for Alma but she never really loved him the same way back. So the movie comes to the climax when they have to make a choice. Do we go out into the open where everyone is dying, just to be with each other one last time? Are we willing to risk death to be together? Will we give up everything to be together? And they both do it, and it's at that moment that the phenomenon ceases.

So what really was happening? I love that for the first time, M. Night doesn't give an explanation. The implication is that it's an environmental phenomenon, but it's left open at the end. We don't really know what's going on, and there's no M. Night twist to wrap it up in a nice package. Instead it's really just a MacGuffin (which really should have been the case in Signs).

And this movie just came at the right time for me. I was having kind of a stressful night, and worrying about certain things, but after seeing this movie I left with a new perspective and a really good feeling about my situation.



01. Wall-E

This movie was perfect...I only have one complaint. I just wish the humans looked more like humans. Everything else looks real, but then when humans enter the picture it kinda pops the bubble a bit.

Otherwise, what an amazing love story! All the little moments with Eve were so cute. You know, I don't really want to say anymore cause I'll ruin it. Just see it yourself. One of my favorite movies of all time...

The Two I Didn't Expect To Impress - Part Four

My Summer Movie Countdown Continues...


11. The Incredible Hulk


10. Hancock


09. Wanted


08. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull


07. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian


06. Get Smart


05. Iron Man

I was incredibly reluctant to go see this movie, but I was hearing such positive things about it! I think I was mainly turned off because Dennis told me he hated it...so I just wasn't gung ho. But I love Jon Favreau and I was super curious to see what he would do with a comic book movie (btw, has anyone here seen Zathura?!?). So I finally brought myself to go see it...and I absolutely loved it!!! But can I really pinpoint what I liked about it?? I'm not sure...nothing REALLY stands out to me, but I'll try and give some of my favorite aspects:

Robert Downey Jr. is incredible in this role. I've heard a number of people say this movie wouldn't have been good without him, and I think I agree. He brought such an amazing personality and humour to the role. A job well done in my books! I like Robert Downey Jr. now that I think of it. There aren't many movies he stars in that I don't like (oh wait, Incredible Hulk!).

Well, overall it's just a really fun movie. The action is great, the humour like I said is great, the characters are great. I really enjoyed the evolution of the suit and it made me feel like a real part of that experience (that sounds geeky...but I guess I am so?). Also, I like the direction they went with the villain/villains. You know, it really is hard to clearly say why I liked this movie. I enjoyed the whole experience and didn't look at my watch once...that says a lot coming from me.


04. Speed Racer

Speed Racer??!? Are you kidding me, Dan????? You LIKED Speed Racer?!?!?

Oh boy, I loved it!!! And the thing was, I totally didn't think it would work. I love the Wachowski Brothers and I was curious to see what they would pull off. I didn't watch any previews so I had no real prior knowledge of what the story was about or anything. But I heard things, a lot of negative things. Even my main man Roger Ebert wasn't too impressed with it:

"They have captured (almost) all the chintziness, inexpressiveness and incoherence of the TV show in two hours and nine minutes, or about two hours too long, give or take."

Oh Ebert, that's harsh! Others made comments like the dialogue was horrendous, the plot was too complicated for a kid's movie, yada yada yada. And all my friends were saying, why do you want to go see that?!?! But I did go, I plowed through all the criticism and negative reviews and had to see it for myself...

And once again, I LOVED IT!!!! Visually it was incredible, most people will agree with me there. The design, the colours, the cgi, the action, it was spectacular! But as I followed the plot and listened to the dialogue I couldn't get what people were whining about. I thought it was excellent. I really enjoyed every minute of it.

And of course, how could you go wrong with Matthew Fox??!? I am so smitten by that guy, it's not good...he was awesome in this movie!

I must admit, I was worried about the ending...as the movie came closer and closer to the end I couldn't help but think, "If this ending doesn't pay off, I think it'll ruin the movie for me." Because really, it's a loooong movie, and as you're nearing the end all you can think is, 'This is going to end like every other racing movie..." But I tell ya, the ending took me by surprise. Now I don't want to spoil it for you (even though I don't think you really care, haha), but I'm going to tell you what I loved about it. If you're like me, I'd recommend not reading the next few lines. M. Night Shyamalan has this way of ending movies where all of a sudden the twist comes up, and it's usually the same. Something climactic is happening and then the main character has a flashback which either reveals to us something hidden, or sparks a past memory that fits in with what's going on. The music is kinda dreamy and the atmosphere usually puts you on the edge of your seat. Other movies end this way as well (murder mysteries for example). Well, this movie took that concept and tweaked it. At the end as Speed Racer is nearing the finish line, he begins to reminisce in this flashback style, but it's not like a twist ending. Instead, time slows down as he remembers all the best moments of his life...his racing, his parents, his brother, his girlfriend...he focuses on all the reasons he has for living. Hmm, I just can't capture it with words, but it took my breath away. It was such a heartfelt conclusion to the race.

So yeah, I think this movie was superbly made. I loved all the dilemmas Speed had to wrestle with in his life as a racer. What more can I say, this film swept me off my feet!

Next Post: The Top Three - Part Five
Maybe you can guess what the top three are...but can you also guess the order???