Tuesday, August 29, 2006

i'm an idiot

i really screwed up. i'm sorry. i hope i'm making things right...

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

I Can't Do Accents!

So these guys from my youth decided to make a little movie and I was pleasantly surprised when they asked me to play a small role in it. UNTIL...I found out I had to do an accent! There was a time when I loved to do accents, but that joy has since been crushed. I think it had something to do with the fact that everytime I talked in an accent I would immediately hear, "That's awful! What kind of accent is that?!?" Whenever I would say "Dear me!" in my infamous British accent, people would think I was saying, "D M A!" So now I just say DMA whenever I'm surprised. Anywho, these guys wanted me to be this Russian arms dealer and I've never even attempted to do a Russian accent before.

Let me be honest...I suck at Russian accents! I would have had more fun if it was a British accent or an Arnold Schwarzenegger, but this was brutal. Remarkably, they loved my performance and decided to even use one of my lines in their trailer. So without further ado, try to catch my breakthrough performance in M.I.I.V.....

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Yelling Experience #2

(this post has been edited because Robyn tipped Shane off to it's existence)

Shane is a great guy!

This is one of those guys who can be so much fun one minute, but the next he is incredibly awesome. I would like to share with you a number of memorable fun moments and then the build up to my second yelling experience.

When we got to Tyson's house in California, we discovered that they now have a huge black lab named Jesse. Jesse is a great dog and a lot of fun (especially when he walks backwards through the kitchen?!?). On his own, he's great, but put him with my buddy Shane and you have instant entertainment. I had no idea that Shane gets freaked out easily by moving creatures. After seeing Jesse jump up on him once and Shane freaking out, Tyson and I could not resist bringing them together as often as possible. The laughter was amazing as Tyson would call "Stellin!" (the command to play fight) as he pointed at Shane. This dog will jump up on you and play bite your arms or your legs and he reacts even more if you try to get away. Poor Shane!

See how terrifying Jesse is!!

Shane also had a hard time at Disneyland with the 3D interactive movies. Anytime something flew at his face he would lose it! I will never ever forget the end of "It's tough to be a bug!" when Flik warns you of bugs crawling around and your seat starts to move like there's bugs under you. We were in the front row and Shane jumped so high and yelled so loud!!!! Priceless...

But no one since my sister has encouraged me as much as this guy. Shane is a very touchy guy and for the most part I could handle it, but when I'm tired and a bit exhausted from the heat, I just wanted to be with him even more. When we'd be driving sometimes he'd lean on the back of the seat and pat my head or rest his arms on my shoulder. At night he was always trying to snuggle with me in bed. Whenever it started to bother me I would politely ask him to give me some space, but when he wouldn't I found myself physically assaulting him.

I'm such a nice guy! Where is this coming from?!?! I probably hit him at least 10 times the whole trip. One time I even punched him in the jaw (but I think it hurt me more than him).

The last night of our trip I was so happy to be with him...while we were with Tyson I had no plans or knowledge of anything going on around us, we were just shadowing Tyson everywhere. Yet, he would constantly ask me, "What's the plan, Dan?" To which I would reply, "I have no clue, ask Tyson." I don't know how many times I clearly spelt out for him that I had no idea what was going on and he needed to talk to Tyson if he really wanted to know. BUT NO!!! He would not grasp that simple concept and on our last night we're driving to this place. Tyson driving, me in the front seat, and Shane in the back. And Shane asks me (with Tyson sitting right there), "So Dan, what's going on at this thing tonight?" And that was it, I was finished. I don't totally remember, but I think I asked Tyson if I should yell at him. All I remember is turning in my seat, looking directly at him, and just letting go.


I'm sure I yelled more, but you get the idea. I have never yelled like that at anyone, it was amazing. Even Captain Keller in the school play didn't reach that level of intensity. I think I could actually see Shane's hair and skin blow back like in the cartoons. Wow! It felt really good!!!

Unfortunately, Shane discovered a new way to pester me, but I just resorted to punching for the rest of the trip. But I have to say, Shane is awesome...he will be one of those guys that I will probably stay in touch with all my life. He pisses me off sometimes, but who doesn't?

Friday, August 04, 2006

I've Travelled to Foreign Lands

Why have I not posted for weeks? It is because I have been living on foreign soil the past week. I decided it was time for an adventure so I packed up and went to the most exotic place I could think of...Disneyland!!!

I love this place. This is the third year in a row that I have gone and each year it gets better and better. I took two of the grads from my church with me, Shane and Kyle. They provided a unique flavor to the whole trip. Let me just point out a few highlights from my experience.

We woke up early to get into Disneyland right when it opened the first day. We were so pumped as we walked through the bag check headed for the main gate. I turn to talk to Kyle and whammo! I slammed my knee right into one of those stupid cement mickey mouse ear park benches.

Dang it! I haven't even gotten into the park yet and my knee is mangled. So for the rest of the trip I was hobbling around everywhere.

By far our favorite ride was Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters.

We went on this ride more than any other! Basically you get in these little carts and shoot at targets trying to help Buzz Lightyear defeat the evil emperor Zerg. What a ride! As Kyle put it, "We should be able to shoot at things on all the rides." It's a Small World is the first ride I'd nominate for onboard guns.

Another highlight was Shane. Going to California would not have been the same without this character. There is so much I could say about Shane, but I will save it for my next blog.

On Sunday morning we went on Snow White's Scary Adventures.

Now this ride is quite spectacular, but Kyle made it even more exciting. As we're riding through the mine part there's a chest of gems and jewels. So Kyle pretends to reach out and steal some. Just then I hear something and Kyle says, "oh no, I just dropped my watch." His watch fell off his arm and is now in the middle of the ride! Shane's most used line for the trip has been, "What time is it Kyle?" and now we've lost our only watch! So we get off the ride and decide to go on it again and snatch it up. As we're going through the mine again it's pitch black and we didn't see anything. The watch is gone. Then Kyle says, "Maybe it just dropped in the cart and not on the track." So we remember that our previous cart was called Doc. As we get out to go tell the lady, I look at the name on the cart we were just in and sure enough, we were riding in the same cart as before. I point it out to Kyle, he looks inside and says, "hey, here's my watch!" It was right beside him the whole second time!!!

Next on the list is the Jungle Cruise.

I went on this ride two years ago and loved it, because the driver did an amazing job with the corny jokes. This year we went on it 3 times! Not because it was so amazing, but because the first driver sucked, and we wanted a better experience. But then the second driver sucked too!! And so did the third!!! What a disappointment. But I do have to say that some of the jokes were well done. I will now post our favorite part of the whole Jungle Cruise...

Boat pulls alongside a ledge showing layers of rock.

See that rock right there, it's actually made of limestone, but many of my crews just take it for granite." (everyone groans)

"My sediments exactly." (groan again)

"Just a few geology jokes for you. They rock!" (outrageous laughter overcomes the vessel)

So those are just a few of my highlights. There were so many more, but I don't want to bore you any further.

Now, as the Jungle Cruise Captain said at the end of our voyage. I have two last words for everyone...GET OUT!